The world at large

MOVED

2008-05-31T22:43:00.003+08:00

Moved to:

http://shoulderstoesknees.blogspot.com

See you there! :)

- Kris.

THE LOWDOWN, YO

2008-05-27T16:28:00.009+08:00

My hair has been very unkind to me lately.

THE LOWDOWN, YO

1) The first O Level Filming is on Thursday. Ohmy, ohmy, time flies when you're looking for a cat. (Our play is Mama Looking For Her Cat by Kuo Pao Kun. Now laugh at my joke, please.)

I toyed with my hair today, trying to give myself a comb over in hopes of remotely looking like an eleven year old boy. I turned out more like a cheekopek, BUT THAT IS NOT THE POINT. We only get one shot at the filming on Thursday, thus in preparation we're having a drama camp on Wednesday and Thursday, from 9 to 6.

That's 18 hours in total of "Where's the cat! Find the cat! Kill the cat!" and stage makeup, (which I had to wear when taking the Interact photo since Drama was right before the photo taking; I think I was more scared of my reflection than my Interact mates) and lighting room fun- my heavily waxed hair better stay still for that long okay.

It's quite amazing to think about how 20 weeks of rehearsal finally boils down to 15 minutes.

I cross my fingers and toes tighter, and will do some quick mock-Miranda prayer; hopefully things go well.

2) Jamie Scott is coming to Singapore! :D

Ah, I squeal, I squeal!

Arra and I have made plans to go to see him. I have half the mind to buy underwear to throw on stage, and maybe he'll look at me with that sparkle in his eyes and sing "WHEN WILL I SEE YOUR FACE AGAIIIIN?"

3) I can't wait for the 3rd of June.

Radiohead + Ballet + Singapore Arts Fest = Radio and Juliet = What will be a very, very, brilliant night.

4) I went for pilates yesterday and feel as if my body is made of aluminum foil.

5) I've been snacking on this 'random greens-baby carrots- chicken- sausages- olive oil- black pepper- sea salt' salad for the past two days now.

I vow never to make it ever again though. I'm so sick of it I could stab it silly with a ultra pointy salad fork.

6) I MISS MY KOALA OF A SISTER.

I'm her wombat, she's my koala. Everybody else back off, I swear Australian marsupials can taze you, haha.

She's off until Friday for her NTU pre-U seminar.

On the first night, she smsed me:

"I feel as if I'm in Malaysia"

Which, when concerning our former residence, we never know whether it's good or bad.

Yesterday, when my mother smsed her on how she was doing, she replied:

"tired :( :( the teachers so nehneh naggy"

Ahhhh, yes, I miss her a lot a lot.

7) The clouds have been postcard-worthy for the past few days.

I take this as a good sign :)

- Kris.

P.S. LET'S GO DRAMA O LEVELS LET'S GO!

Punggol field

2008-05-25T17:15:00.003+08:00

Clarissa and I have this idea to go down to a random Punggol field, sit on a mat, play music on her handphone for ambience, wave at all the people that go by in the LRT, hide under an umbrella when it gets too sunny, try to fly our S$2 kite from Beijing, fix a 300-piece jigsaw puzzle while eating breakfast salad and bruschetta, then walk 10km to Punggol Jetty, use squid as bait and go fishing using two fishing rods which I will have to bring from Tanah Merah to her place (which is around 2 hours by train), and then bring the fish back to her place in a plastic bag to fry.

We originally wanted to go ice skating, but Mr. Sih said that it would be too dangerous. Same goes with the Zoo, because he was worried that the lions might eat us. And with East Coast, because of fear of tsunamis. And we might not be able to go fishing because he was worried of us using scissors to cut the squid bait up.

Her dad's just worried, and it's frustrating thinking of new places to go, but it's also very, very funny :D

- Kris.

Bar job?

2008-05-23T20:28:00.003+08:00

Operation clean-up was a success.

...And then Margaret and I doodled on the board and everybody left their books and bags outside while waiting for their MTP appointment and we started to move the chairs around for the parents to sit and wait.

The cleanliness lasted for about ten minutes, though. It's a new record, rejoice!

I'm happier that the week is over, than the fact that the holidays are here.

The week felt like a thousand years long. The midyears have been over for some time now, but it felt as if we were in post-studying, pre-holiday mood. What a half-hearted five days in class, trying to pay attention but failing more often than not.

Honest to goodness, I would rather be spending my coming month in school; I miss Miranda's temple massages in between lessons already. Now that the holidays have arrived, I'll have to actually do something this time around instead of spending my 30 days using the computer non-stop.

I MUST DO SOMETHING DURING THE HOLIDAYS. WAH SEH. I feel as if it just hit me.

I used to spend my holidays like that, spending the time when I wasn't out of the house on the computer, from 12 in the afternoon until 3 in the morning the next day.

What a baaaaad idea.

Decided with my mother that I would do something more productive this June holidays instead of being cooped up in my room growing eyebag trees. Robyn and I are still looking for our part-time jobs, although right now the only offers we have are two restaurant ones from her connections, and one offer to work at a bar from mine.

Buuuut, I'm not a cat lady with fishnet stockings and frayed skirt holding a Corona in each hand. (Shit, I swear. Though Mrs Cros's might be though, HAHA) My mother's friend's sister owns a bar in Haji Lane. (Maybe the overrated upper-classness of the area dies down at night.)

(At Haji Lane, it's great to enjoy the nostalgia when you're walking down the road with your friends on either side and looking left and right at all the shops and going into one occasionally to browse. (And realising that the prices are either extremely high, or the dirt cheap.)

But then you will soon realise that there's a reason why it's called Haji Lane because you'll find yourself at the end of the road going "EH WHY IS IT OVER ALREADY" and then going to Bugis for ice cream.)

When I told my friends about the bar offer, they tried to teach me how to defend myself. ("Use the knee, use the knee!") Which is although very amusing, but unnecessary seeing how I'm probably underaged by a few years. (And also unnecessary for another ten thousand reasons.) And plus I haven't learnt how to do that cap trick they showed in the Tiger Beer advert on TV.

So I think that I should probably look for a waitress-ing job or a desk job.

No trays, no glass, no breakables, SAFE :D

- Kris.

Harry Potter, Harry Potter

2008-05-18T23:37:00.003+08:00

Today I watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and decided that it is the best movie out of all of the five movies filmed so far, even though Harry looked like he had an uncombed raccoon on his head the entire time, and Hermoine was whining the whole way through.

Ron was best, Cedric reminded me of a frat boy (the strong-jawed, intense, non-existent kind of frat boy), and if you watch veeeeery cloooseeeelly, you'll notice Harry casting longing glances towards Cedric.

Needless to say, I was laughing at all the parts that I should not have been laughing at.

Like when Hermoine walked down the stairs during the Yule Ball in that purple dress of hers, and dreamy music was playing, I thought:

"Wah Seh, she looks like purple kueh."

I want to go on to re-watch the fifth movie, but I'm afraid to do so because from what I remember, the better half of the film consisted of Harry fainting and falling and having nightmares and kicking things. And how he started to look anemic halfway through the film with all that tumbling to the ground.

I hope that in the next movie, I will be able to see Snape flare his nostrils and maybe see Harry stand still for at least two minutes. And hopefully they put some foundation on the poor boy.

If he was anemic in the fifth, he might turn into an albino by the sixth film.

But at least Harry reduced his hair size to that of a smaller raccoon in the fifth movie. And Daniel Radcliffe looked like he finally realised that he could move his face muscles.

- Kris.

P.S. I have not read a single Harry Potter book.

Cemetery shootout

2008-05-17T23:08:00.003+08:00

Updated the photoblog with 3 batches of photos from today's cemetery shootout.

There was no need to call ghost busters; if any of the 14 of us saw a ghost I do suppose that we would have been more interested in taking a photo of it then running away, haha :D

- Kris.

LIFE IS GOOD!

2008-05-16T20:42:00.014+08:00

LIFE IS GOOD
because:

1)

My photography block is finally over! Have updated the photoblog with photos taken from Monday and Tuesday :)

Ohman, ohman, it feels really good to hold Baby in my hands again and not feel lazy to capture the moment.

2) Installation today was fun, even though it was pretty embarrassing during the dancing bit. (This is the part where I cough repeatedly.) But by the time the end of the Installation rolled around, and Dhaneesha started playing Low over the PA system in the studio, everyone was just dancing without caring what they looked like.

And oh yeeeeees, we are installed! (That sounds like a cheesy pickup line. "Reboot my system, baby?")

It was really awkward standing there and waiting for the seniors to come down the stairs and put on the interact badges for us. That portion of the event was supposed to be very formal and solemn, but I'm quite sure we looked pretty constipated from trying not to laugh at the point where the backing of Jaslyn's badge fell out and started rolling around on the floor.

3) Shootout with Suk Chai and his flickr friends early tomorrow morning (6:55AM early, early), tentative part-time jobs during the June holidays (to save up for enough money to buy a video camera, hopefully), East Coast plans with Arra (6 months missed, but it's never too late to cycle around the park on a double bike and eat Roxy Laksa) , SAM is having their month of photography during June, and the Singapore Arts Festival is here!

The shrimp which I call my sister (this, is called retribution from many years of being shorter than her, and now being able to laugh and pat her hair at the same time) and I are going for one SAF event already.

Irony- it's a dance piece. More coughing.

I'm hoping to go for at least two more events. Is anyone interested in going for any with me? (clicketh here for linkage to the SAF website)

A slight digression into depression (oh, heehee)- I missed the screening of 'Control' when it came to Singapore, which is very saddening.

The cinematography looks shit good, I really wish that I had caught it.

Even more irony- I only realised that I had miss the screening when I was flipping through the newspapers. And they were Chinese newspapers.

4) I've been feeling especially connected with my friends and myself lately. Although I have been spacing out a lot.

Though still not as much as dahdah, ha :D

5) I have amazing friends.

Eh, sexy.

Thank you being so tolerant and for knowing me well enough to tell me what kind of face I'm going to give next, and what I'm going to say, and how I'm going to say it. We always seem to end up doing all sorts of crazy things together, like having half-eaten nugget food fights, somehow getting lost in Geylang, laughing in MacDonalds so much that you fall off your chair and I don't breathe for an entire minute. And how we're so comfortable in each other's company that I could lose track of who's limbs belong to who, and we can go an entire MRT ride without talking, nestled in comfortable silence.

Thank you for pulling me aside and telling me when I'm freaking out, and for making me laugh so much.

"Ziiiiing waaaaalkssss, byyyyy meeeee, I faint cause she's just so smeeeellllllyyyyy."

My wise friend.

When in doubt of where your bags for drama are, consult Arra; and I quote:

"Hopefully it will turn up when you least expect it. You know one time when I was so hungry but I had no money, a piece of chocolate appeared in my bag."

Ah, wise words, wise words.

Thank you for being the encouragement in everything I do, from the smallest things such as going for my drama class, to the bigger things such as the midyears. Your smses saying that we could make it out of the midyears alive, and that to sleep early are only two of the many examples of your love.

It feels jump-for-joy-great that even though we're no longer in the same class, but that we are still in as much know of one another as we were last year. I'm looking forward to our East Coast Subway cookies and our study sessions (where this time, we will actually have to study, haha.)

Eh Arra, you lagi best. I owe you a ten star-rated hug! :D

(And we need more recent photos of you, haha!)

To the Mama group, we can do this, we can do this. What Mrs Crothers says always gets us down, but so long as we follow her instructions, we can pull this together.

Chin up, people! We can pull this together before the 29th of May.

And ahem, to Sih Sasa.

No one could ever understand our friendship the way we understand it. And it's great how when people attempt to decipher it, we go home and talk about it over the phone and laugh our heads off.

The number of inside jokes we have is amazing.

Any attempt to thank you, or list the things that you do, would be lacking, so I'll thank you everyday for how great our friendship is, and how close we are, no matter what people say or think.

Less than three, you spaz.

"I can't tell whether..."

:D

- Kris.

Costumes, costumes, costumes

2008-05-11T00:42:00.005+08:00

The above photo was taken in America, when my mother went over to visit her grrrrlfriends a few months back. She's the one in the green cap laughing jollyjolly-like. (Yes, the bunch of them were camwhoring.)

Dearest Mother Ong, you have been a wonderful mother. Thank you for everything, which I can never finish listing. I'm buying you geberas tomorrow morning, and try to stray from the white carnations this time round. (In Primary school, I accidentally bought her a stalk of white carnation. What a baaaaaad idea.)

I also owe you a nice house wherever you want when I grow up, as well as lifetime support for you and Father Ong, and so many more hugs than I can't count on all my fingers and toes.

Happy Mothers' Day! :D

---

Thank you to the friends who are offering to help us look for the bags.

You guys are power, man; sheer POWER.

But really, thank you guys so much. It's nice to know that there are people who care for you even when they aren't involved in the situation.

It's pretty agonizing waiting for Monday to come, when we can finally overturn the studio in search of our items. Right now I'm just hanging around, hoping for the bags to pop out from nowhere. I imagine the 'ping' sound you hear when you play Super Mario to accompany my fictional ideal of the outcomes of our missing items.

I also imagine all of the drama girls from 3/1 squeezing onto the tiny little stump at the assembly ground that the school calls a podium, and each of us taking turns asking the school not to peel the markings and help us find the bags.

Either that, or each of us could take turns screaming into the microphone and demand (Mdm Lenny style) that the culprits who did as such come forth so that we can pelt them with the lights that are rigged onto the ceiling, heavy as yo momma and the weight that we carry at the pit of our stomach.

Although the former is more likely to happen, logically thinking. Also adding on the fact that blaming others gets you nowhere, and only makes you feel worse. (It's kind of like a standstill, and pretty pointless; how you find out that a wrongdoing is someone's fault, and you blame then and you still don't solve your problem by doing that.)

I can't wait until the next 2 weeks are over. Then it's going to be the June Hols, and things will look up

---

My photography block is still on, and the worse thing is that I didn't go for the photoshoot out at the Old Kallang Airport that I was talking about. Although my morning wasn't wasted (went to Joy's house this morning and had a lot of fun with the Interact people), it means that I have to wait another week before getting over my block.

On the 17th, will be going to a cemetery with Suk Chai and his friends as they are going for another shootout.

A photoshoot at a cemetery should be pretty fun, haha :D We'll see how it goes.

Goodnight, people.

- Kris.

Please help find drama

2008-05-09T17:43:00.007+08:00

(edit)

I'm trying to be more rational about this, instead of tearing my hair out. Deleted the last two posts, because I realised how angry everything sounded.

WE MUST BE ZEN-LIKE ABOUT THE SITUATION!

I hope that everyone can try their best not to pick at the markings on the floor, because they are very, very important to our O Level plays.

Also, if you happen to see:

1) A Zara bag
2) A Pull and Bear bag
3) A red singtel bag
4) A printed white plastic bag

...Please inform me. Inside the bags are our group's costumes and sound. The bags were last seen at the corner of the studio where the metal bars are.

Our O Level recording is in less than fourteen days, but things just keep going wrong.

Hopefully if I cross my fingers and toes even harder, things will look up.

Please try your best to help!

We need it bad.

Photography block! :(

2008-05-04T14:23:00.002+08:00

Oh man oh man, I'm going through a really bad photography block.

Focusing wrongly, getting frustrated, dreading browsing through Picassa, and leaving Baby to collect dust. (My father finally got my dust filter off using a cap-twister-opener-pincer-scary-looking thingy, but I wasn't as happybunny, head banging, hip thrusting as I thought I would be.)

I'm not sure if it is because I'm sick of being limited to one lens, and one lens only. Awaiting the 10th of May, when I will hopefully be heading to Old Kallang Airport with Suk Chai and his flickr friends. He said that I could borrow the lenses that he is going to bring, and test them out. And maybe I could persuade my gramma to loan me her 200mm lens. (My father and Suk Chai keep telling me to send it for cleaning because it may have grown mold.)

Hnn.
Cultivated lenses.

Pris says that crossing your fingers and toes work when you're hoping hard for something, and if only I could cross the last toe of each foot I would.

- Kris.

Addicted

2008-05-03T22:41:00.003+08:00

Fred Jones was worn down
from caring for his often
screaming and crying wife
during the day but
He couldn't sleep at night for fear that she
In a stupor from the drugs that didn't even
ease the pain would set the house ablaze
with a cigarette.

ELLEN PAGE PWNS

2008-05-03T19:35:00.001+08:00

Best.

Feeling like a slither

2008-05-02T19:47:00.004+08:00

I'm watching the world pass with quiet detachment. Not detachment in the sense where I am unaware of the people and the opportunities which pass me by, but detachment where I choose to spectate instead of participate.

Need to snap out of it and start gaining some energy in school. Other than that, I've been like a slither on the floor today, snapping in and out of focus.

2 weeks to our first O-Level Drama filming, and I can in no way afford to be a slither. (Remember- slither equals bad.)

I must be a 11 year old boy with suspenders, knee high socks, coke-rimmed glasses, who later grows up to be a cold-hearted man who is addicted to chatting up guys/girls (never really specified, but if I had stuck to the original character of a wrist-flinging sissy boy, it probably would have been men) on webcams.

I hope that the next few weeks of school are good :) It's strange how fast time is moving, we're this close to the June holidays already.

- Kris.

TK Spirit is DYING

2008-04-30T19:04:00.002+08:00

Can you hear that? It's nothing, right?

Well, THAT'S WRONG.

TK Spirit is dying, rapidly rotting away. Our seniors and their seniors's seniors are triumphant in their cheers and their random urges to dance and their style of screaming that we can immediately identify with our school. But now it's gone.

What is going OOOOOOOOOON?

Nowadays, hardly anyone cheers. And when hardly anyone cheers, and some small group of people do, their intentions are wrongly misinterpreted as a need to stand out. And when hardly anyone cheers, the juniors learn from us and they keep quiet, politely clapping. (THIS IS WRONG.)

TK Spirit is only handed down by senior-junior relations. We learnt to scream from our seniors, and we learnt to do the thousand legged worm from them. And that when it rains, Campfire night can go on with the use of a fan and red paper billowing out from the wind released.

SO DON'T LET TK SPIRIT DIE OKAY.

THE NEXT TIME YOU SEE SOME POOR SEC 1 OR SEC 2 GIRL WHO ISN'T CHEERING DURING A SCHOOL EVENT, HIDE BEHIND A TREE, CHANGE INTO A CHEERLEADING OUTFIT, WHIP OUT POM-POMS, STAND IN FRONT OF HER AND START SCREAMING TK PHILOSOPHY.

"YOU! YES YOU! EH GIRL! REPEAT AFTER ME: HEY EVERYBODY WE'RE FROM TKG AND THIS OUR PHILOSOP- I SAY REPEAT LAH!"

- Kris.

P.S. So crack, BUT SO IMPORTANT.

e math post

2008-04-30T09:53:00.003+08:00

The only period we're going to actually do work today is Social Studies. we didnt have lessons the whole day long and it doesn't look like we're not going to have any later either.

HENCE THE BLOG POST DURING E MATH. HELLO WORLD! :D

Pris is like sitting on the floor next to me because she didn't wear any shorts, and Clarissa is playing sushi-go-round. Ha :)

- Kris.

Hard Candy

2008-04-29T22:58:00.005+08:00

Oh man, I am way behind in replying my tags.

---

I used to have this premonition that I would have to wait until I was legally 18 before being able to rent out Hard Candy but thanks to one very understanding mother (and after much debating), I got it from 7Frames.

Oh shit, it's everything I dreamed that it would be.

Ellen Page was my idol before, my now I wish that I could kiss her feet. The ground she walks on, I would stick my hand into the cement and sell it on eBay. When I first got to know about Ellen Page a year back before Juno got hyped up, I used to wax lyrical about what I used to know about her performance in Hard Candy.

But now that I know, I can't merely wax lyrical, I must flail and roll around and maybe get padded walls soon.

Arra was right (I wish that I was born two years earlier too) about Ellen. She's the perfect pseudo-psycho-cute-but-extremely-vindictive-imma-hack-off-your-balls actor to pull off the role.

The story itself is completely deranged, with Jeff, a middle-aged man meeting Hayley (Ellen), a fourteen-year old girl online. Hayley is mature and flirtatious in her ways and soon they meet up.

Jeff's creepy crawly lecherous ways are subliminal, as are Hayley's. And soon Hayley has got Jeff strapped into a chair and the lights and dim and ooooooooh the tables are tuuuuuuurned.

Hayley proves herself to be mentally unstable, out on her self-declared noble quest to rid the world of pedophiles. She reveals that she has stalked him, and is aware of his plight as a pedophile. Unfortunately, she starts on her quest with Jeff.

...Then she castrates him with a butter knife.

By then I had the blanket halfway over my head, not because it was visual ooky, but everything seemed so warped. The hunter had become the hunted and to not only did Jeff get caught, he got caught by a psycho chick. (Poor, poor man.)

By the time in which she wonders what she will do with Jeff's newly operated balls ("Shall I see how high they can bounce?" she says), and finally decides to grind one down the garbage disposal, I was whatthehell-ing to myself in the room.

No one likes spoilers, so I shan't reveal what happened (unless you ask, in which I will tell you in extremely lucid detail) in the end. But by the end of the movie, in which Hayley proves to be even more mentally damaged than I ever thought possible, I wanted to stand up and clap and do that 'FRRREEEEDOOOOOOM' crack dance we attempted to fit in for one of our stimuli for drama.

The plot itself was incomprehensible to a certain extent, but Ellen Page's performance was not. Her twists and turn in character (good vs. bad vs. crazy vs. hero vs. immachackoffyourballs) had me fooled so many times that I was ready to reach over into the screen and smack her face.

But I don't think I could bring to smack that face.

Also, poor Patrick Wilson, who played Jeff.

He has a cheekopek face. No wonder his balls got grinded, heehee :)

Okay school tomorrow! The midyears may end, but life goes on. Yey we're doing vaults for PE! :)

- Kris.

Iron Man < Batman.

2008-04-28T19:04:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling a bit out of place, not having to study as much as before. Usually I would wake up early on the weekends to cram, in order to suit my study schedule (although I was never able to follow it- so I would always be catching up on the previous day's homework). But now I just wake up late, although not always on purpose, but still late.

I miss my Casco assesment book.

...But not that much. The post-midyear outings have been brilliant :)

I'm sorry that I haven't been blogging much lately. I would say that things have been hectic, but it's a good kind of hectic, the fun kind accompanied by your parents and your friends and all the funny shit that they do. It sucks how when you get inspiration to write something down, it's usually during the weekends. And how when you ask when you'll finally be allowed the privilege of using the internet during schooldays, your parents reply that you'll only be able to when Sec 3 ends.

On a lighter note though, I've been re-reading my comics in anticipation of the Batman movie coming out. I want to bounce in my seat, but it's a roller chair and I will roll out of my room if I start.

YES, I AM EXCITED. WAY EXCITED.

Iron Man < Batman.

- Kris.

Happy new ear

2008-04-27T02:17:00.002+08:00

Sharon and Fann got their ears pierced again on Friday, and Fann thought that it was painful, but Sharon said that it wasn't and Fann's ear was very red but they were loving their piercings and when the group of us parted into two, with Sharon and Fann staying at the Parkway bus stop and Sasa, Nana, Zing and I getting on the bus, Zing exclaimed:

"Have a happy new ear!"

- Kris.

oh yey midyears are (sort of)over!

2008-04-26T00:31:00.007+08:00

OH YEY THE MIDYEARS ARE
...not over.

There is a two hour long Drama paper on Tuesday (that's 120 minutes, 25 mark essays, an 80 mark paper, and many unhappy people.) Because everyone else in the cohort had their last paper yesterday, 3/1 will be the only Secondary 3 class lining up for morning assembly on Tuesday.

It sucks that the 41 of us will have to roll ourselves out of bed and into the main gate, but in a positive light, it's going to be cool to be next to 2/9 and 4/1 at the same time.

It's all cheap thrills, but that's okay because it feels as if the midyears are already over. I went out yesterday, today, will be going out tomorrow, and the day after that to celebrate the (sort of) end of midyears. And I've settled into relax-mode already, renting out 3 movies (which I probably shouldn't have rented) and enjoying the weird flavoured KitKats Daddy brought back from Japan. (Wasabi flavoured KitKat, you have to love it.)

Thank you to all my friends who gave me support during midyears! Golden, golden people :)

- Kris.

CHEMISTRY

2008-04-20T19:36:00.004+08:00

OKAY MIDYEARS, I'M NOT SCARED OF YOU.

BRING IT OOOOAAAWW
WWHHHNNN.

WAAAAH SHIITY WEEK

2008-04-19T18:11:00.004+08:00

It was a spacey week. I floated through class after class after study session after study session.

But it's looking up! :) Even with midyears approaching.

It's going to be OKAYOKAYOKAAAAAAY. (It had better be, or I'm going to be a very unhappy girl come midyear end.)

- Kris.

You have to believe it

2008-04-13T20:03:00.002+08:00

To my friends:

Tomorrow is going to be okay, you have to believe it.

To hell with it, I'm going to have a party.

2008-04-12T20:49:00.006+08:00

Updated the photoblog!

---

I've edited this post three times, with varying content.

This time, I think I'll leave it with no content, worry less, and just go study :) Haha.

Amino acids, here I come!

- Kris.

Who am i?! :(

2008-04-12T00:34:00.002+08:00

Words fail me, I fear to say that I am undefined with my alternating explanations of myself; it could be the obsessive toss of androgyny or perhaps the procrastination of thought process. At a juncture in my life where I know how important it is to find a personality, a definition of myself that I know I can live with when I've got one hand on the wheel and my mouth open screaming at my children (or if I change my mind, the children might be replaced with two Siamese cats) for them to shut up.

I feel lost in my own indecisiveness on some days, hung up on myself without getting anywhere, deciding on anything. I do think that I need other people's opinions of me in order to shape who I am.

Tell me who I am. Tell me about my habits, tell me about my interests, tell me about what sets me thinking.

Let me settle myself; even be it based on someone else's words.

I'm detached from my mind; i'm not sure where I left it- in school, at home, on the internet, in my letters, in my phone conversations, in the drama studio, by my Casco assessment book, between my post-its, by the study schedule I wish I could follow, in my photographs with Ernie Baby, in my regret, or in the words that came out wrong.

Who am I, question mark, exclamation mark, colon, opening bracket.

- Kris.

Sports Day 08

2008-04-05T20:55:00.006+08:00

Updated the photoblog with photos of last night!

---

Yesterday was Sports Day, and it was all fun as usual. Much like the previous years, everyone would run and jump and fly around until they get so sweaty and tired that they sit in the stands for the rest of the event.

By the time cheerleading came on, everyone was already talking about wanting to go home. Didn't stop the cheerleaders from doing a good job, or from the runners running fast though.

Thank you to everyone who ran for our class. Goodness knows that with a class divided between Econs girls and Drama girls, that we aren't exactly the most... athletic class. (Don't worry- if there is ever, ever is an Interpretive Performance of Graphs inter-class competition, we'll kick everybody's asses.)

We had a partial 2e3 '07 gathering, where 31 out of 36 of us gathered, took photos, and talked for a bit. It got a bit emotional; I still miss our class, and although we had a gathering, it wasn't all of us. That sucked pretty bad.

...Okay, I suddenly don't feel like blogging anymore. I think that I'll just let the photos do the talking:

- Kris.

P.S. I'll post about last night when Zing uploads her photos. (Prod, prod.)

Degeneration

2008-03-30T19:43:00.002+08:00

I'm sitting at the dinner table with salad, with rice, with prawns, and with mushroom on my plate. It's a windy night, the seven of us are out on the deck, and it's nearing complete darkness. It's not dark enough that you have to grope for your fork, but dark enough to make you feel the need to laugh politely instead of throwing your head back and clapping your hands.

The family has been having dinner together, ever weekend, for as long as I can remember. It has become a family tradition, and when ma went overseas, or when mama went to Beijing for those many months, things felt a little bit too wrong, a little bit too quiet. And when the number goes up to eight, when my Father's Sister's Husband pulls up a chair, the dinner is a little too polite, a little too tense.

And then I'm enjoying my dinner when they begin to talk about memory degeneration, my parent's 20th anniversary this year, and I lean back and realise that my sister is going off to university next year, and that I'm taking my O Levels soon.

It's all very disconcerting, and I find that I cannot finish my salad, my rice, my prawns and my mushroom.

Blind.

2008-03-30T13:19:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I get so envious of everyone else, that the pride I gathered previously from accomplishments just flies out the window. And then I'm left to stand with my eyebrows knitted together, a disapproving glare and malicious words I barely mean on the tip of my tongue.

"She can write very well?" It's barely even a question- the sarcasm is practically begging to be heard. And then whoever I'm talking to is looking at me, looking through me, and then I suddenly feel very small.

Sarcasm is a gap-filler, a defense mechanism but apparently it does not work very well. Because people are left to look at you, long after the words are spat out, and you can practically hear the wheels turning in their head. Their deductions left to become conclusions of who they think you are.

I feel apprehensive with the thought of how one slip-up can make or break you in the most inflexible ways.

Perfection does not exist in anyone, so why do we keep searching for perfection in ourselves and in others? It's a vicious frenzy, and as we strive for perfection we look at others who we presume to be more of whole than we are, and we become envious of the image they have created for themselves.

Everyone gets envious of each other once in a while; we are all the same, but we feel as if we are all different.

Sometimes we can be so blind.

- Kris.

Giselle and Republic Poly

2008-03-29T15:02:00.018+08:00

Updated the photoblog with photos of the last two nights!

---

Hello, my mammy is back! :)

After not being able to see her for a month (and at times, suffering from some serious bouts of Mother Withdrawal Syndrome), the entire family is glad to have her home. It's good to know that she had fun with her grrrrrlfriiiiiiends. (You should see the photos they took; they bought clothes, tried them on, and camwhored like nobody business.)

On the other hand, I have been feeling as if I'm 15 going on 50 for the past week.

It was no self-control week, with me sleeping at 1 AM everyday until Thursday. (On Friday night, I slept at 2. Last night was an improvement- I slept at 1:30 instead. Although it probably can't be considered an improvement from the better half of the week.)

Perhaps it's my lack of sleep that's been making me feel lethargic. Either way, I have been feeling really old latey; last week, Dhaneesha and I spent one hour in 7/11 reminiscing about the past ~~while we stroked our beards.~~ And Clarissa and I now have memories.

Next thing you know it, I'll start eating prunes and watching Jerry Springer. Or have to start dyeing my hair to cover up the white strands. Or I'll really begin to mimic Robyn and her calling me 'Ah Ma'.

I get the feeling of bitterness every time I think of how, when we were seven, everyone thought that 15 was an appropriate age to get a boyfriend, or to wear as little as you want when you go swimming, or to go overseas on your own. (All highly influenced by reading Sweet Valley with Elizabeth and Jessica and their stupid blonde hair and their stupid blue eyes.)

Hardly anyone sticks by those ideals though. Which makes me wonder if the ideals we have for ourselves when we're 20 (to club everyday? To have a high-paying job doing what you love? To be married by the time you're 25? To have that rich old man you married die by the time you're 26? To inherit all his money by the time you're 27?) are somewhat warped as well.

And next year I will be sixteen. I don't believe it, somebody slap me quick.

---

On Friday night, there was yet another DEP outing (although this time, we downsized due to a number going for the LDS competition) to Republic Polytechnic. Hanis, Sharonalice, Zing, Ana, Dhaneesha and I were there to catch a musical by De Yi Secondary, directed by Mrs Crothers.

The musical was... interesting. The plot had no climax nor resolution, though the set was really nice (one look and you know that it's Mrs Crothers influenced, definitely) so seated in between Dhaneesha and Zing, I sank in my chair with Baby and took photos.

Teehee.

Nikon cameras tend to amplify when your shutter snaps (so there's this loud 'shcht' sound everytime you take a photo) and so each time I took one, I waited for the actors to start singing, or for the background music to play then start snapping.

At the end, the six of us embarrassed ourselves, though we knew that it was coming. (We're TKGians, it can't be helped.)

The announcer was giving thanks for the production, "...and we would also like to thank our director, Mrs Nora Croth-"

We had all planned to shout our typical 'Woooo' but somehow or another, it came out as "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

We shouted as if we were losing our life, but instead, scared everyone to death. The first three rows in front all jumped up, ducked down, and covered their ears as if a bomb just went off.

The guy in front of Zing, in his red shirt (we had already encountered him before that incident, with me leaning against the headboard of the chair next to him without realising that my ass was near to his head, to which he jumped up when he found out and caused me to wish that Baby was even larger than he already was, so that I could cover my face) turned around after we realised that we just caused a domino effect and shut up, to which he said "What is wrong with you!"

The people in the row in front of us didn't even hesitate, got up and left.

And so we sat there, heads bowed, bodies shaking from laughter. Zing couldn't stop being embarrassed even after just about everyone had left, using her black coat to cover her face.

---

Jeanna and I took turns holding the cans in place (we were situated on a downhill slope, and they would have rolled had we not looked like we were waiting for eggs to hatch.) Though I admit that Jeanna did most of the work :) heehee. Thank you Jeanna the Albino.

We all found it very funny that Miranda was drinking Miranda. HAHA.

The contrast between the above two photos show just how bad Nikon Colour Management can be sometimes.

I still love my Baby, though. Tomorrow is our seven months.

You know Baby + Me = lurv3 for3v3rxxzz.

...Taiwanese pop star.

Last night, went to Fort Canning Park with Miranda, Pris, JiaYing, Fann, Sasa and Jeanna. We were there to catch Giselle, though I admit that we fooled around a lot more than we watched the ballet.

"...is that Hilarious?" Jeanna asked, pointing to the man dancing on stage.

"His name is HILARIAN, Jeanna."

And then everyone laughed and couldn't breathe for the next few minutes.

Once again, we attracted lots of unwanted attention (the older, more civilized ballet crowd with their white wine and salad and plaid picnic mats versus the seven of us on two mats hardly big enough for all of us, with our Pringles and drinking of Root Beer straight from the giant bottle.) We were shouting a lot, Clarissa was poking everyone, Miranda was trashing all over both mats, Pris was going all worm-like, JiaYing kept getting hit by flying food we were throwing, while Jeanna, Fann and I called ourselves the 'Quiet Group', but somehow or another ended up laughing the loudest at Jeanna's possessed phone.

Seriously- it really goes all possessed after using it for a while, with it's grainy screen and feedback. Fann found it very amusing, and was giggling all over the place.

During the interval, the seven of us laid down on the mats and talked a lot of crap. At one point, Sasa and Jeanna, who were on opposite sides of the mat, got up and fell on the remaining five of us. The people around us looked pissed enough to want to throw their fancy cutlery (yes, they brought cutlery) and wine glasses at us.

By the second act, just about everyone was getting restless and took turns lying on the mat to rest.

But in the snippets of the ballet that we caught, I'll have to admit that it was a pretty beautiful sight, and that the entire group of dancers were very strong. Because the second act of Giselle was about Wilis, spirits of the dead, the dancers came on stage dressed in white with veils over their heads.

Fort Canning Park is lined with graves, and it was night time. The math is easy to figure out.

I had lots of fun both nights, and although the week of school hasn't exactly been one of the best, the two nights made up for it :)

- Kris.

Photos

2008-03-23T14:36:00.010+08:00

Episodes In Which Zing Tries to Find Hidden Treasures Among Jeanna's Body

After the play yesterday, Ana (SUPERMODEL!) , Jeanna (ROGER! MARK! AH!) , Zing (she who wears the red shoes) and I ran around town in the rain, taking random photos and eating Mrs Fields. (Mmmmmhhmm! :) ) It was all good, and while we sat on the ground right in front of an escalator at the Esplanade, people would literally stop to look at us, half-frozen in our different poses waiting for the timer to go off.

Sharonalice calls TK girls in uniform 'broccoli', and I can't help by agree. With our green uniform against the black wall, we must have looked like we were in a wok about to get stir-fried.

- Kris.

Dragonfly

2008-03-22T00:22:00.001+08:00

Updated the photoblog, with an incident I don't think that I will forget for a very long time.

My post for today's on the photoblog, I just want to close my eyes and sleep now.

- Kris.

Who?

2008-03-17T23:18:00.004+08:00

I've been thinking and...

When we listen to gossip, and rumors, run-off-the-mill comments about people and cliques, and through what we hear shape our own opinion of them, based on interpretations of stories possibly gone through the broken telephone process, does that make them the:

attention-loving/ flirtatious/ bitchy/ scandalous/ girl-crazy/ boy-crazy/ fickle/ cold/ two-faced/ weird/ morbid/ damaged/ always being played on/ always playing on others/ temperamental figures that we think they are?

Or does it make us the blind follower, unable to make a proper judgement without misleading "guidance".

Almost every time we meet somebody, we're waving and we're saying hi and we're smiling and we're making conversation but inside it's:

"I've heard so much about her. Let's see if she's really that attention-loving/ flirtatious/ bitchy/ scandalous/ girl-crazy/ boy-crazy/ fickle/ cold/ two-faced/ weird/ morbid/ damaged/ always being played on/ always playing on others/ temperamental."

We're going in, head-first, thinking that we're going to find what we're looking for- and every time, we're looking for flaws.

Flaws that sometimes, are purely fictitious. But we're searching for them, and we're magnifying what we think they might be, and we believe that they are real.

It's not easy to discard stories heard of others, it's much easier to simply eat it up and then ask for more. (More flaws, more gossip, more rumors- you read their blogs, you scrutinize the photos on their Friendster, you type and you rewrite and you type and you rewrite whatever you want to submit on their Facebook wall, and then you go home and run the conversations you had with them through your head.)

I don't ever want to have to ever live my life like that again, possibly so bored with my own existence that I have to view the world through someone else's opinions, through someone else's eyes, more concerned with people I have never spoken to than with my own friends.

How can you have an opinion of someone that you have never even met, or spoken to? And in turn, how can others have an opinion on you when you haven't said a single word to them?

We're walking around meeting people with our eyes, ears and minds closed. I don't know why we do it.

- Kris.

disgruntled.

2008-03-16T14:57:00.002+08:00

I am more than a little disgruntled by the fact that Eliot Spitzer's call-girl went by the name of Kristen.

...Okay, not a little disgruntled. Very disgruntled.

"Ms Lewis had also advised Mr Spitzer to give Kristen "extra funds" after their date. This was to avoid payment issues in future. Kristen was asked to go to room 871."

What a horrible, bad coincidence.

- ~~Kristen~~ ME.

places you can find love

2008-03-15T21:23:00.003+08:00

Updated the photoblog! With what I have been at for the better half of the day. I managed to work on my atomic structures too, though!

...So this is what accomplishment feels like :) Haha.

---

On a sidenote:

THE CHEEKOPEK AND THE HOKKIEN MEE SELLER. HAHAHAHAHA!

You have no idea how hard I was trying not to laugh. I was about to wring my neck with my tie.

"We in da hood, yo!"
"Dat right, grrrrrrlfrrriieeeend."

CHEEKOPEK FACE RIGHT. I tell you, Zing's a natural.

(All photos taken yesterday after the cheerleading prelims, and grabbed from Zing's blog. Every time I look at them I want to burst out laughing.)

Also, on another sidenote:

Almost every night on the phone with Manda, it's:

"Ah Manda, I'm feeling really tired. I'm going to lie down now."
"...YOU LIAR."

Get it? Lie, lying down, liar?

:D

- Kris.

P.S. Okay, I need to stop blogging in fragmented paragraphs, seriously.

Homework

2008-03-15T17:30:00.002+08:00

I'm rushing homework!

...But, I can't stop taking photos!

Of all days!

This is terrible!

I really need to get my homework done!

Atomic structures, atomic structures, let's go!

THE WELL HUNGARIANS

2008-03-12T23:26:00.003+08:00

Today after cheer, Jiaying and I went to Lion City Plaza to get outfits for cheerleading.

Lion City Plaza isn't far off from school, only being around two to three stops away, towards the direction of Paya Lebar MRT station. Before today, I had gone there once before with my sister and mother to get outfits for my sister's dance performance. It's a pretty deserted and run-down shopping mall, much like Far East Plaza without the coloured skinnies, striped shirts, dyed golden hair and bubble tea. (In Lion City Plaza, the only shop with a proper cash register, and proper shop name would be Watsons. The rest are either signboard-less, or tacky as hell; 'Fashion Universe', 'Pretty Fashion', 'Glamz Fashion' not titled to differentiate shops but for two TKGians to point and laugh at while strolling around.)

The characters there are rather shady, with shopkeepers that try their best to persuade you to buy their sales, but end up making us feel as if we are being threatened. Most of them spoke Mandarin, so Jiaying and I ended up stammering a lot. Many times when we found ourselves getting caught between a hard rock and a mean shopkeeper with drawn-on eyebrows and bad breath, we would simply mutter a few words and then run away.

In a way, I did expect them to chase after us. Of course they never did, but we still ran.

It was frustrating, but a lot of fun running all over the four stories of the building, trying to find exactly what we were looking for at the best prices. At one scary shop with said shopkeeper with bad breath, we found something similar to what we wanted, but we wanted to look at the other shops, so we told the lady that we were going to look around.

"Why don't you just get this? We're already selling it to you so cheap." She said in Mandarin, and I eyed her and her evil-looking eyebrows.

"But we want to look around," Jiaying said. (Thank goodness for her. I think that I would have been so scared shitless alone that I would have thrown all my money at the shopkeeper, her and her penciled eyebrows.)

"But it's so cheap!" The shopkeeper exclaimed.

After around a minute of mindless tugging and weary eyeing, (and for Jiaying, bad-breath enduring) we said "We're going to look around okay!" and just ran out and never looked back.

We got so terrified that every time we got close to a shop that looked remotely similar (and trust me- they all looked like replicas of their neighbours; if the shop names are anything to go by) we would stop and backtrack a bit, examining the shop.

We got a big kick out of laughing at the clothes there. (The shopkeepers kept trying to sell us different shirts from what we were looking for, at one point one of them pointing out a tank top with a giant hole in the front. "Nononono, er, our teachers won't allow!")

We managed to bargain! For both our purchases, getting both of them at more than half off of initial price. So for that we were happy :) Haha.

The walk to Paya Lebar MRT station was really noisy, because we were screaming the whole way. (At one point we walked over concrete ground where construction was taking place below, drilling so violent that the floor shook below us. We just kept walking and screaming and walking and screaming. )

It was raining so heavily, so we huddled under Jiaying and her umbrella (that I like :D Haha!) and tried our best to walk without stepping into pot holes filled with collected water.

But then we would avoid one pot hole, congratulate ourselves, then walk directly into another one.

Because we were trying our best to squeeze under the umbrella together, when we (finally) got to Paya Lebar MRT station, my entire left side was drenched while my right was dry. I looked like I had been chopped in half, had one half drenched, then got stitched back together.

But it was fun nonethless :D The moment I got home Auntie Nora screeched, and told me to go bathe, quick. I got rain water all over her floor for the second day in a row, so no wonder she screeched.

Tomorrow's the last day before the preliminary round! It's our last chance to practice our cheer, so I'm feeling all bubbly inside (and it's not because I haven't eaten for some time now.)

...Hungry.

(Haha, this reminds me of Roger from RENT, with his band called The Well-Hungarians. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, if a band with that name actually existed, I would be such a big groupie.)

- Kris.

HIP THRUSTS

2008-03-11T23:15:00.003+08:00

I'm suddenly bursting with ideas for photo shootouts :) Simply exploding, minus gooey bits being splashed all over the ceiling, floor, desk, etc.

You get the point.

We're trying our best to catch up as much as we can for cheerleading, with practices every morning. You know the fact that the actual preliminary round is this Friday has not smacked me over the head yet- I'm still kind of hovering, going to practice, and practicing, with the idea that "eeeeeeeeeeh, weeeeeeeee haveeeeee a looooooooooot offfffff timeeeeee leeeeeeeeffffft."

Okay, no Kristen, no. We do not.

I need to wake up from this delusion. (Or just wake up; Today practice started at 9, and I woke up at 9.)

We're sampling Pretty Fly (For a White Guy) by the Offspring for our class cheer, and although I used to think that 3/1 was a pretty gay class, now I have confirmed that we are a very gay class.

Practice for the past two days has been a series of:

"YOU READY 3/1? LET'S HIT IT! YOU KNOW YOU GOTTA GIVE IT TO ME 3/1!"

"UH-HUH, UH-HUH!"

Followed by a string of hip thrusts.

Haha! :D I'm so glad that our class is being so enthusiastic over acting silly, just putting ourselves out there and having fun.

Thus the excitement over cheerleading and ideas for photos, and this more than out-of-character post, complete with fragmented paragraphing and excessive smiley use.

:D Heehee. I feel like a schoolgirl, if that makes any sense at all.

- Kris.

RENT???? NOOOOOOOO

2008-03-08T01:45:00.003+08:00

MAUREEN
It's times like these I really appreciate...Mark!
Dear, I'm so glad you're here! Honey, baby! You've lost some weight.
...I mean you've always looked great.

MARK
I try Maureen.

MAUREEN
Back when we used to date.

MARK
You lie Maureen.

MAREEN
Now let's not get irate.

MARK
Why Maureen?

MAUREEN
Joanne ran for the cable but of course she's late.

MARK
...I don't know why I even try Maureen.

RENT's ending it's 12-year run on broadway on the 1st of June.

:(

I was so close to turning 16 and escaping to New York, falling 6 months short. All musicals have to end their run eventually, and although 12 years makes it one of the longest musicals to ever run, when I read about the news I felt like shredding up my magazine.

But I attempted to act less barbaric, more civilized (for once), and instead went upstairs and listened to RENT songs. And messaged Jeanna.

"Jeanna! RENT is ending its run on broadway on the 1st of June! :( And we never got to see it!"

"No way no apples you're not kidding me?! :( Kristen we need to mourn. This is another sign that the apocalypse is nearing."

"These are perilous times to live through. Yes, we need to mourn. Tomorrow I shall bring the chocolate, sniffles :( "

"I'll bring tissue. Lots of it. We could sing all the RENT songs if you like. And hug."

Thank goodness I have another RENThead for a friend.

"December 24th, 9PM, Eastern Standard Time, from here on I shoot without a script."

I will never, ever forget that line. And I will always think of Maureen and Joanne whenever two girls say that 'they are sisters', then proceed to think that they are lying. And . And I will always be wary of bathtubs and mirrors with notes on them. And I will always want a loft. And I will never be able to do the tango without thinking of Mark. Or in that case, ever meet another Mark without comparing him to my favourite scarf-wearing, tabletop-dancing, tragic figure of a filmmaker.

- Kris.

P.S. I WANT A STRIPED SCARF. NOW.

:(

MAAAAAAAAARK!

Pursed lips.

2008-03-07T22:04:00.002+08:00

Pursed Lips.

600th post, clapclap!

Escalate

2008-03-07T20:50:00.003+08:00

Hello, I feel as if life is a spastic escalator right now, and I'm on it.

And so I'm on this stupid escalator, which cannot make up it's mind- okay, it's moving forward now but OOP! Here we go, it's moving backward. Okay, it's not the direction I want to go, but hey, I'm getting used to it and ACK! Okay, we're moving forward again. This is good news but MWARGH! Okay, you know what- Make up your mind you sickening heap, even though I suppose you don't even have a mind to begin with.

On top of that, the escalator is leading into the unknown from where I'm standing, all clouds and fog with no glimpse of anything to remotely signify any outcomes; Some yellow from the sun would be great right now, or even some rain would be good, so long as I have a clue about where I'm going to end up with all this studying and chaos and 'hi, what's your name? I'm Kristen.'

Plus, imagine my stupid escalator going at speeds so high they are border-lining immeasurable, and even when I'm declining the altitude and the wind in my eyes makes my head spin.

I'm not even taking steps on my escalator right now- it's trudging me along, and I have no say about where I want to go. (Up or down. Forget left and right, East and West; You're not even a Geography student.)

In a strange, out of body experience, the escalator is what my life feels like as of now, and I am merely following whatever direction it's taking me. I can't even call that chunk of metal my own, which feels more than out of hand.

In other news not concerning industrial appliances, Ms Ho's eyebrows are the most fascinating thing since sliced bread! Yey!

- Kris.

To my mother.

2008-03-02T16:09:00.002+08:00

I can't believe I won't be able to see my mammy for one month.

But I hold comfort in knowing that she's having fun hanging out with her grrrrlfriiiiends in America. :)

Waiting for your email!

- Mei.

Failure.

2008-02-29T19:03:00.005+08:00

Hello, it's painful but now that you have revisited disappointment, wake up please.

In a lot of ways I find that receiving results are more difficult as compared to doing the actual test.

When you're doing your test, pen in hand and table separated, you are an island- you figure out your own problems and you answer your own questions. When you blank out, you only have yourself to motivate and only need to motivate yourself.

When results are passed back, how do you comfort others when you aren't feeling too good either?

So you place your pencil case over your score circled in red ink, and walk over to their table. The words sound half-hearted to your own ears, and the lines that you say and the hugs that you give along with the little circles you rub on their backs should be uplifting and motivational, but as you listen to what pours out of your mouth, the meaning is lost on you.

And the frowns on friend's faces still remain and their eyes are still blood-shot, and when you look at them you can't help but feel as if you have failed something other than your test.

- Kris.

Death to a bluetoothless phone.

2008-02-24T20:48:00.003+08:00

Goodbye my Nokia 7360, my bluetooth-less, unable to take more than 25 'large'-sized photos, unable to store a single song, unable to voice record over 3 minutes, unable to send MMS hand phone, which also has a crack at the side of the screen, rubbed-out number keypads, and a missing number one keypad.

I've tormented you enough, you deserve to rest in peace.

Countdown to 2 days to the death of a bluetooth-less phone.

It's a complete 'YEEEEEY' but 'boooo' situation. I have to change my Sim card, which means that all my contacts, important dates/birthdays and saved messages will be wiped out along with it. D:

WHY LIDDAT.

- Kris.

I'm going to film.

2008-02-23T13:04:00.003+08:00

I'm going to make a film.

It's something that I really want to do, and no matter what the odds, I'm going to complete it this year.

Be my witness to this pledge?

- Kris :)

Top 5 Shittiest Week

2008-02-22T17:50:00.008+08:00

Updated the photoblog!

---

Hello, I'm holding my breath in hopes that my week doesn't get any worse than it already is.

Thank goodness CA week is over. No more To Kill A Mockingbird, no more Indices, no more Plasmolysis, and no more Cubic Equations.

...At least for now. And who knows how long 'now' will last. All I know is that if I see another number/fraction/standard form/subscript, chemical equation or scientific I might just spontaneously combust.

I'm sorry to everybody, for having to bear with me being out-of-character this week, at times having to tolerate my semi-burnout. (On the day that I had the need to be impulsively childish and grab back my strawberry yoghurt drink from Sasa while she was drinking it, and ended up spilling half of it all on her pinafore.)

I was snapping at everybody for the better half of the entire week; Either that or just not paying my full attention to them when they talked to me. Uncertainty was a plague, and I had no idea where to rest my eyes, no idea when to voice my thoughts, no idea where to put my hands.

I was so restless to do something, anything- and when I finally got something to do, like listening to a friend, giving all my focus into my drama, and going through the answers to my CA, I found myself not able to bring myself to do them.

You know that horrible feeling you get when you realise that you are doing something wrong, but just simply cannot bring yourself to stop? Like a fog machine working overtime, to which you can't even see your hands, but the fan to blow all that smoke away is a distance apart from you and well, maybe the fog will clear by itself soon.

It felt that way for most of the time this week, laughing too loud under pressure, not bothering to think before speaking, shooting my mouth and biting heads off, and pushing people in a way I would not want to be done upon myself.

CA week on top of everything else that's been happening does not make for a good week.

This week has the coveted title of being in my Top 5 Shittiest Weeks Ever list.

Humphrey Bogart once said:

"Things are never so bad they can't be made worse."

But Humphrey Bogart is dead so that must mean something.

...Okay, sorry.

The next time I post I will be less cynical, I promise.

- Kris.

Chasing pavements

2008-02-15T19:53:00.004+08:00

Updated the photoblog with photos of Penang!

---

Hello, metal in my mouth isn't as bad as I thought it would be :)

I have one and a half more years to go, and many more bowls of porridge to eat but it all seems alright now. It hurts, thankfully much more than my ego is bruised. But strangely enough, I'm finding braces to be quite entertaining. (It reflects light! It's a pantry! It's a rainbow! Let's all cheers to that!)

I'm not sure if I will feel the same about them a few months down the road. All I know, though, is that those one and a half years will be gone faster than you can say some of the bigger words in the Bio textbook. (Not that I would be an expert on any of them; I'm pretty far behind in studying Bio. But I'll have you know that I only slept once during Bio this week, okay! Phwaoh! You have no idea how proud I am of myself for that.)

Already 7 weeks have passed since school started. Another 3 and the lazy March holidays will roll around, disappear and bring along the next term. Wash, rinse, repeat.

My only problem is trying to figure out how to smile. I seem to have to lost the ability to smile properly with braces on.

I hope that this gets resolved soon. Only one day has passed and already I'm getting sick of having to grab nearing objects to cover my mouth when I laugh.

Valentines' Day made me feel so loved :) Although I do not think of the sweets and the cards and the presents as expressions of love, but as a bonus.

Because everyday should be Valentines Day!

Yes, I'm determined to pile on the cheese. That line has been used and reused countless times by the anti-Valentines, the cynics and the doubtful, and although its moral content eliminates the point of the 14th of February being a 'special occasion', I think that I would rather with be more of an anti-Valentine than with expensive chocolates I can only get once a year.

Plus, I'm picky about chocolate.

...Mint chocolate is good. Mint choc-chip is my favourite ice cream flavour in the entire unicorn universe. You could give me a thousand different flavours but so long as the option to get mint choc-chip is open everything else is a big no-no.

(Note: Had mint-choc chip ice cream with toasted waffles for lunch with Zing and Raj today at Parkway before Buddy Session. Raise your hands and do the wave in joy- it was good stuff.)

...Okay, now I'm really craving chocolate. Curse digression, causing hunger pangs.

- Kris.

P.S.

Chasing Pavements by Adele.

Current theme song seeing how Tears For Fears weekend has come and gone. The video squashes my Anti-Valentine sentiments every time I watch it.

Penang!

2008-02-06T00:40:00.000+08:00

Penang from the 8th to 10th. Baby and I are looking forward to it :)

I'll only be touching down at around 10pm on the 10th, which means that I have to finish my homework by tonight! AHH.

I have ten thousands things to do by next week.

And I'm getting braces in a weeks time. I'm feeling extremely nervous with the prospect of having something stuck to me for one and a half years with absolutely no way of removal halfway through. (Well, it's possible, but my mother would kick me to the grave. Or pull my ear there, at least.)

Excuse me while I go pack, finish my SS homework, charge Baby, and eat a whole lot of hard, crunchy, messy junk.

Will miss you guys! :)

- Kris.

good day out at vivo with 3/1!

2008-02-05T20:40:00.000+08:00

Updated the photoblog!

---

Hello, 37 days into 2008 and I'm currently wavering in indecisiveness closely resembling a spastic cursor moving across your computer screen, unsure if things are steadily looking up or staring down.

Anywho, today was a good, gooooood day :)

Went to Vivo and hung out mostly with Sasa, Jiaying, Fann, Zing and Jeanna. Met up quite a few times with Rebecca, Hanis, Robyn, Yim Qi, Amelia P. and their friend Gennifer, but mostly because they had their nails done (Rebecca and Yim Qi had French manicures done!) and we took an earlier movie time, it was hard to coordinate so our original plan to spend the whole day as a group did not really turn out well.

But! No worries, the whole bunch of us have 2 years to make up for it. (OH NO, IM STUCK FOR ANOTHER 2 YEARS WITH SASA, HOW?)

Sasa, Jiaying, Fann, Zing, Jeanna and I watched 27 Dresses. I hate chick-flicks, but it had James Marsden in it, which made it totally gush-worthy; I swear I am going to marry him, I swear I am. (I can feel it in my toes.) Watching the movie made me want to reach out and touch him (if I can ever walk in a straight line to get so close to him) and throw popcorn at Katherine Heigl for kissing James. (But I don't eat popcorn, so I sulked instead.)

The six of us took so many photos at the rooftop of Vivo! (Finally- models. REJOICE) The water was cold (chemical-induced too, we would later find out as the security lady on duty ordered us out) and the wind was strong and the company was good.

After Sasa and Jiaying left, the four of us headed all over the shops we loved (now that we no longer had Sasa sulking away as we shopped (every time we picked something off the rack she would sigh in boredom) we got a lot more shopping done than before) so that Fann could buy her New Year clothes. On the way we picked up ugly clothes and tried them on in the fitting room and exchange them with one another. (HAHA JEANNA AND THE PEACOCK DRESS.)

So yeah, a chick-flick, lots of swooning, photos in fitting rooms and much giggling made for probably the girliest day I've had in a long while.

I say that because I'm manly, okay. I'm like the manliest of the men.

Ohmy, SASA! >:O

HAHAHAHAHA. FUNNIEST PHOTO EVER, HANDS DOWN.

5th Feb 2007, I liiiiiike. ;)

- Kris.

Buildings don't fidget.

2008-02-02T12:45:00.000+08:00

This may sound a bit strange, but I need models.

Jie has been pretty busy with JC life, so I've been occupying my weekend photography fixes with anything I can find at home, or in the neighbourhood. I've always preferred photographing people over still life, and it's been a while since I last photographed something that moved. (Daddy's fish do not count. If I'm not wrong the last time I took something other than still life was Sarah, and I'm not sure where she lies within the idea of things that move, and things outside of still life. WHAT ARE YOU MAN.)

Even if I have no idea who you are, or are someone I don't talk to, I'll be more than happy to get to know you. :) And maybe give Baby some exercise.

All this because buildings don't fidget.

- Kris.

TEARS FOR FEARS

2008-02-01T20:46:00.000+08:00

I declare this weekend Tears For Fears Weekend!

They are oh so greeeaaaaat in their synthesized, 80s music kind of way.

- Kris :)

CNY

2008-02-01T17:52:00.000+08:00

Hello, Chinese New Year is making me see red.

Pineapple tarts, Angpow, and Reunion Dinner Season has arrived. (With the exception of that one time Robyn thought that she had Reunion Lunch, and the whole bunch of us went 'huh?') I distinctly remember when CNY was approaching last year, Sharon and Yingbin were talking about how they were saving up their smses.

Because, as I think some of us know all too well, CNY is also Sms-Overload Season, because our hand phones suddenly become our best friends when we go visiting.

It's almost as if all we do when we go visiting is to eat, say hello to our relatives, say a random Mandarin quote, receive our angpows, promptly plop ourselves down on a seat, and then proceed to whip out our hand phones. (Somewhere in all the action, you may insert 'getting up to get a cup of 7Up/ Coke/ Pepsi Twist' because that's all that families seem to serve during reunions.)

As much as I dread visiting, I have to admit that visiting gets easier as we grow up. Of course, if you already have good family relations with your cousins from young, it would be even better. My sister and I have admittedly been anti-social since young, thus explaining the constant hand phone glancing and painful small talk with our elders.

But with recent family gatherings, at least we are now talking to our cousins. (Yes, we were that anti-social before.) Playing card games and listening to music together, the ever-familiar awkward tension would still arise every now and then, but tackling it doesn't seem to be too difficult.

Yeah, we get fat from Chinese New Year (all the pineapple tarts, biscuits, chocolate gold coins and love letters really don't help) and we get moolah from Chinese New Year (oh, sweet, sweet moolah) but what I really hope to gain from Chinese New Year is good family relations.

...No, I am not conducting a Civics Education lesson here, okay. Nor is it social studies period, and believe me when I say that I'm not a walking NE advertisement.

It's the nagging thought at the back of my head I get every time we have a family reunion that one day, my sister and I will wake up and realise that there is a generation younger than us, who is counting on us to hold reunions. Truth be told, if our grandparents/ parents/ uncles/ aunties didn't hold reunions every Chinese New Year, the family would fall apart.

One day that responsibility to hold the family together is going to be on our shoulders. If my sister and I don't socialise, don't try to bridge relations that are nearly non-existent at this point in time, that our generation of family would be no more.

It's all quite sad to think about. Even though my sister and I (choose to, I now know) bore ourselves to death during reunions, a little effort would not hurt I suppose. I only see these people, some of which I only talk to once in a year.

I'm hoping a few hours in a family reunion won't kill me soon enough such that I die before the next generation comes along.

...Okay, yes, I don't think I will.

- Kris.

Heath

2008-01-26T19:21:00.000+08:00

...So I fell in love with his looks in A Knights Tale, fell in love with his ability to portray characters as his own in Brokeback Mountain and knew that I was going to fall in love in totality when Batman: The Dark Knight came out.

Now that things have come to a halt, will my adoration stop for him there?

No, of course not.

Sadly, much like Kurt Cobain, James Dean, River Phoenix and Freddie Mercury, the biggest of legacies are enforced only when one passes away.

I'm still a really big fan-girl, I'll miss you, Heath.

- Kris :(

OBS

2008-01-26T12:38:00.000+08:00

1) I know how to pitch a tent!

2) I know what a jerry can is!

3) I trekked around 10km in the wilderness! And I didn't die! Phwah!

4) I saw a jellyfish! We named it Jeffery!

5) I had peanut butter on bread with canned sausages for lunch!

6) I kayaked! And saw a rock that looked like a frog!

7) I saw the biggest big-ass spiders I will ever see in my entire life!

8) I have never slept so few hours before!

9) I jumped off a jetty into salty sea water with fishes around me! And climbed near the top of the rock wall!

10) For the above accounts I have never felt so scared in my entire life before!

The most amazing thing is that I made it through OBS without getting injured.

This calls for a celebration; I think I will throw myself a party later, filled with pillows and blankets and lots of sleep. (No more jackets-as-pillows for me. Especially since during the first nap I took after coming home from OBS, I dreamt that I was trapped in my own body watching and shouting at my watch mates as they moved about in my darkened room, trying to pitch up a tent.

"No, no, Robyn! Don't take out the ground sheet! OBS is over!")

OBS was not life-changing for me, though I do think that things might have been slightly different had our watch been placed in Camp 2. Camp 1 was the slightly more furbished one, and judging from the horror stories I heard from my friends who stayed in Camp 2, Camp 1 was probably cleaner.

You could say that we were pretty much pampered in Camp 1; We still slept in tents among muddy grounds and croaking frogs and had to ration food, mind you. I think the biggest difference would be that for the better part of the last two days all the watches in Camp 1 (which includes the entire 3e1 as well as a small fraction of 3e9) ate at the tuckshop with ready-made food served.

And that I managed to bathe 3 times out of the 4 days we were there. (Which was probably good news for my watch mates because I have the tendency to start snapping at people when I don't wash my hair for a day. Plus I would have been a stanky girl.)

Supposing that we had been thrown into Camp 2, more fear might have been instilled and more lessons learnt. However, it does not change the fact that our class bonded and worked together as a team :) Rajaratnam was the name of our watch, affectionately shortened to Raja.

If not for OBS, I never would have known that Pris sleep-talks, that Yim Qi can fit an entire apple in her mouth, that Hui Ning is the clumsiest most lovable girl I have ever met, that Grace could get so high, have started calling Robyn 'Auuuudreeeey', have sang The Shins wihile kayaking with Jeanna, known that Xiao Nan is so funny, that Khaleedah could scream so loud, that Siti could pack so much punch, that Nabilah was so paranoid (she told me that she was paranoid three times in three days, haha!), that Amelia has such nice hair, and that The Amazing Daring Hanis could navigate and climb the rock wall in less than a minute.

If the objective of OBS was to 1) Change our perspective of the things we already have 2)To make us more grateful 3) To change our mindset and teach new life lessons on perseverance 4) give bonding time for friends, I would have to say that although I did absorb a bit of all four objectives, that took in the fourth one the most.

All in all, OBS can be summed up by something my sister told me when I asked her if OBS was going to be fun a few days before leaving:

"You feel like shit when you are there, so when you get out you feel super happy."

Which is half-true, because I was already having fun while I was there :)

- Kris.

Danger

2008-01-20T15:55:00.001+08:00

We all like to flirt with danger, or rather the idea of danger. Burning embers at the end of a white stick, lips curled around the other end, smoke dancing across facial features and laughter that comes out as choking, the epitome of conflict as a smoker laughs through his addiction.

Addictions are never healthy, but release is. And so they smoke to vent, with their soft-mannered wafts stinging vision and making eyes water. (But that's okay because your eyes were probably brimming with water in the first place, and your heart already on its way to decay with the direction life was giving you.)

Smokers make the perfect photo I want to capture, lips upturned, smoky soft edges encasing their heads. I imagine that I would glamourise it, rather than expose how selfish the act is, with it affecting everyone around at the time, and the whole idea of self-inflicted slow suicide a morbid tale to tell to those who do not wish to be left behind.

Sometimes with photography, you can choose what you want to see and what you want to capture. Somewhat like being in denial, except less painful, because you are allowed the moment to detach from the situation with this machine in your hand, blocking your view of the real world, looking at it through a viewfinder instead.

But however glamourised smoking is made out to be, with the provocative and dangerous image it sends out, it is merely but an idea.

The idea of smoking seems so brilliant at times, a great way to change your image. But not all ideas are good ones, and as much as we may fall in love with the idea of someone so dangerous with a cigarette dangling limply from their hand, the moment that idea is unravelled and we stand in front of said person, you might realise 'perhaps I was much more in love with the idea of danger than actually knowing what danger is.'

- Kris.

5 things that happened in the past week

2008-01-20T09:39:00.000+08:00

5 Things That Happened In the Past Week

1) I realised my life has been one big, fat lie.

This realisation coming in after I went to make my IC on Monday, took a glance at my original Birth Cert and found out that for the past 15 years, I've been writing my Chinese name wrongly.

I freaked out right there and then.

WHO AM I?

:O

2) I found out that I'm going to be screwing up on Valentines' Day.

Not with anybody though, I'm just getting braces.

I'm pretty lucky considering that I'll only have to keep it on for one and a half years, with no extractions (I chose 4 to 6 months of rubber bands over 4 tooth extractions.) I told Doctor Lian (my dentist) that so long as I get my braces off before Prom, I'm happy :) (My sister put hers on for 4 years, but got them off a week before Prom, which was a really good idea, because she looks great in the photos we have of her on that night.)

3) I concluded that fitting rooms in Parkway's Giant need to be expanded to fit more people.

Went OBS shopping with Manda and Zing on Friday, for all the items we need. Over-sized tee shirts were not exactly items on our list, but we ended up buying a few for each of us.

We grabbed about four tee shirts and cramped into a fitting room. We each took a corner of the tiny room, tried on the shirts, and threatened each other accordingly.

"Don't you dare turn around ah!"

"Wait, wait! I'm wearing my gay shorts! Don't look!

"Where's the shirt! Where's the shirt!"

It was really funny; There was one point where I walked out to grab another shirt from the rack and this middle aged woman saw our door ajar, with two TKgians staring wide-eyed from inside of the room while another walked out. All of our hair was messed up and we were screaming a lot. It was no wonder the woman kept knitting her eyebrows at me while I looked for more shirts.

4) I cracked my Bluetooth-less, Unable-To-Store-More-Than-20-Photos, 3G-less phone.

I had stuffed Baby into my handbag along with my handphone, and then my handbag fell onto the floor.

Baby's a heavy camera, explaining the giant crack down the side of my handphone screen.

This is good news for me, though. Considering how I plan to get a new phone soon, one that I can label otherwise 'lao-pok'.

5) I'm crossing my fingers tighter as OBS draws nearer.

Sasa, that sports-nut and ab-rippler, is actually looking forward to camping out in the wilderness with wild boars that sniff at your tent and durians that fall during the night. (Yes, I think I've told just about everyone I know about the Durian Tree story. But I can't help it- what if one really falls? D: )

I have concluded that if I were to be separated from Sasa into different watches, that I will have to sleep with no tent over my head for three nights and freeze to death with no firewood burning. And that while canoeing, that I will capsize my boat, and then proceed to flail my arms about and in the process capsize everyone else's boats. And that sand flies will maul me, and that I will break all my limbs. And that I will drown on land and slip on water.

Yes, if Sasa, or any sports person is not in the same watch as me, I am quite sure that I won't make it back from Pulau Ubin in one piece.

Even worse; I have concluded that if Zing and I were to end up in the same watch together, that everyone else in the same watch is doomed.

Wish us all luck! :)

- Kris.

Blogger posts

2008-01-20T00:07:00.000+08:00

I've been staring at the Blogger New Post window for the longest time now.

EMO

2008-01-13T13:14:00.000+08:00

The word 'emo' seems to be our excuse for things we don't want to face.

"You know she writes poems about dying and death and suicide. Super emo."

"Why is your head down? Why so emo?"

"Why do you wear black all the time? You emo."

"You know I've been feeling very... emo, lately. Like sad, but not really."

It's like a gap filler. A way to brush things aside, to mock what we dare not answer to. Or to fill in the spaces where we cannot find the words.

Of course there is something such as the 'Emo' image. Emo people are easy to spot, no doubt. However, since when did the word become known as a feeling? It is when the word is used as a way to describe almost every feeling remotely related to sadness, black, death and blood in the world, that is when I start to feel, very, very...

...Emo.

I remember an anonymous person tagging on my blog one or two years back on how I should not have to use the word 'emo' in my posts, because there were other words that could adequately describe my situation and feelings without subjecting to a mindless trend of using the word to simplify things. (Of course this anonymous person could not have explained so much in a single tag; I'm merely expanding things here.)

Back then, I did not understand why said anonymous person was so picky about my choice of words. But after seeing the word on so many blogs, it's label slapped upon so many people simply from their choice of words, I can't help but feel a tad of resentment towards the word as well.

I do not understand what it means anymore, when used to describe emotions.

"...I feel very emo today."

NO, NO, YOU SILLY GOOSE. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!

Along with the words I cannot spell, and the word 'funky', I'd have to say that the word 'Emo' ranks in my Top Ten List of Words I Have Sworn Off Using. (Also included in my Top Twenty List of Words That Make Me Stick Out my Tongue, Go 'Bleh' and Proceed to Sick Up.)

- Kris.

P.S. Words that rank in my Top Ten List of Words I Like include 'squid', 'Boho', 'fuzzy', 'sokay' and 'fellytone'.

Oh, tee, hee.

okay, dinner time

2008-01-12T16:24:00.000+08:00

Updated the photoblog with photos of T3! :)

---

Hello, there is photo-taking on Monday, as well as another one for my IC after school, and every time I think about it I have the urge to touch my hair.

...OKAY, DINNER TIME.

- Kris.

already tried sleeping

2008-01-11T19:42:00.000+08:00

"I feel as if my head is about to burst," she said, and for a moment I wish I had Baby with me; Her eyes were red, and the area below her eyes dark. She was leaning against my door frame, with her head inclined to it, almost as if she was too lacking the strength to hold herself up.

All my memories of her are those with her a smile on her face, eyes pinched together tightly. Her change in demeanor was such a stark contrast that my hands itched to capture the moment.

"...Do you want to lie down? Trying sleeping," I suggested, though unsure of my own suggestion. I was so unsure of how to handle the situation, of how to handle her when the everyday routine got broken. I got up from where I was lying down on my bed. "On my bed? We can switch on the air-con..."

I trailed off as she shook her head. It was a sluggish motion.

"I already tried sleeping." She left it at that, depending that one line to explain the weight she was feeling.

----

It's quite strange, really. A few weeks after publishing that one post on how I feared age and the unavoidable process of aging (and the deaths that would follow), there is more reason to fear it.

Supposedly we fear what we do not know; But what happens when fear stares us in the face, and we are exposed to it; Do we fear our fears even more, or even less?

- Kris.

Sec 3

2008-01-06T16:41:00.000+08:00

Hello, I have Math tuition with Zing tonight and am looking forward to all the footsie.

Several posts, brain-strains thinking about the 'suppose that...' and 'what ifs' have finally boiled down the first week of school.

I have always expected that things would never fall into place as easily as others would find it, but I'm glad to say that things are not going any worse than I had expected. Of course my expectations had not been very high to begin with, but looking at the situation positively, it could be much worse.

It's not anything against 3e1, because I really am enjoying the company of everybody in class (both Drama and Econs girls). I'm trying my best to mingle with the Econs girls, but I'm finding it increasingly difficult when comfort and familiarity stares at you straight in the face; Having known the Drama girls for around a year now, it's kind of like throwing yourself into the deep end when you know you would feel more comfortable wadding around with rubber floaties shaped like ducks wrapped around your limbs.

Naturally I catch myself inclining to the Drama girls, but now it's a different case- it's no longer a Drama class, with just the 19 of us (lessened down to 15- another change to grasp), it's a Drama and Econs class, with 42 students. It's no longer a Drama Elective Class, but 3e1.

I'm finding myself worrying about every single thing- If I'm not mingling enough, if I'm appearing too cold, if I'm getting too warm, if I'm getting too close for comfort, if I'm getting way too pushy.

Like I said, it's nothing against 3e1 itself- it's just the whole deal of having to start over in a new class that's making me feel on edge.

Yes, I have those I am more familiar with in class to talk to, but the fact that I'm sitting by the side of the classroom when I'm so used to sitting near the back; Looking around and seeing different faces in seats once occupied by others familiar feels like a new start to me.

The walls feel a bit too bare, a bit too bland; In 2e3 when you looked up you would either see cats, butterflies or clouds. (In a literal manner- I'm not waxing lyrical here; We painted our walls.)

In Beijing, Steph, Yong, Sharan, Shu, Esther, Deannie and Dragon (~~Dhwaning~~ Dhwani normally slept, and Pika would listen to her iPod) would tell Sasa and I all about Sec 3. On the late night bus rides, over meals that we could never finish, on couches in the Hotel Lobby, or walks from one place to another.

How Sec 3 was hectic, filled with drama and things that Lower Sec girls would not understand unless experienced first hand. Sitting there and listening to the lot of them talk about what had happened in a single year, I believed them whole-heartedly in the stories they told but always failed in picturing them occurring in my own life, with the people around me.

The subject was so foreign, and I feared what I did not know. In a lot of ways, I still do; Technically speaking only 3 school days have passed since being a Sec 3; Territory can hardly be considered explored.

I smsed Yong, and she told me to let nature takes it course; My sister said that it took months for her to settle down comfortably in her new class, and that when the shift occurred she still went for recess with her lower secondary friends (as the better lot of us are doing now.) Yong always looks so happy when she talks about her Sec 4 friends, as does my sister, even though she's in J2 this year and still ever as close to her friends from TK.

I'm always first in line to ask Change to go screw itself over when it stares at me straight in the face, somewhat mocking me, I feel, for my cowardice behaviour when mostly everyone else around me does not complain.

...But it's just hard to adjust to, you know? A little too difficult to comprehend, taking a little too long to smoothen out. (I'm impatient like that.)

I have no doubts that things will turn out okay as time goes on (it always does; We are not invincible but tolerance is the next best thing) but from where I'm standing things feel prickly.

Sit back and watch the ride, but don't forget to cross your fingers; I promise you'll make it out alive :)

- Kris.

Love might just be the most uncreative thing

2008-01-05T16:48:00.000+08:00

I imagine that Love is incredibly passe
Filled with chalky ideas of lone cafes and Je T'Aimes,
Butterflies and shared umbrellas; Red polka dots on blue,
Cliche lines only mentioned in movies; The ever classic 'I only need You.'

Roses, dark theaters, a kiss on the porch
The train of thought for those who hold a torch
For their crushes, their supposed lifelines and their muse,
Such ideas tried, practiced, thrown out and reused.

Since when did Love become an unoriginal concept
Our ideas of it copied from what we see on TV, ideal but far-fetched,
Lines that we have distantly heard once upon a time
"Sad to say that you belong to a Channel 8 soap opera, you're not actually mine."

Passion has relinquished; Chivalry is dead
Women who sell themselves as an easy way out instead,
A foggy decision of what Love is made far too young
Changed abruptly when we start to feel Love's bunt.

Love once humbled, now abused
Is becoming incredibly more and more obtuse,
I won't deny the joy Love brings,
"But sad to say, Love might just be the most uncreative thing."

- Kris.

Tired

2008-01-04T23:47:00.000+08:00

Updated the photoblog!

---

...I am really, really tired right now.

Choose what context you would like to extract from that statement; Ultimately it's what you make of it. (Or what you would like to make of it.)

- Kris.

Sarah

2008-01-01T18:20:00.000+08:00

This is my last post for the holidays; When school starts, I'll have to go back to only updating on the weekends.

Tomorrow, I will feel old.

---

Updated the photoblog!

---

I SWEAR THIS THING IS EVIL. (The photo above, not the photo below. Although you might be able to consider her evil as well.)

Once you get on it, it goes round and round and round, and you can't stop!

Caught up with Sarah yesterday, and boy was it great fun :)

I never camwhore as badly as I do when I'm with Sarah, but that's because we never seem to be able to get the right photo. (It was always something with her hair, or something with my neck.) Every time we took a photo, we would squeal, then laugh, then rearrange ourselves and take another one.

Some people camwhore because they like the camera; We camwhore because we don't have that one perfect picture of the both of us together. (At one point, Sarah took a photo of herself and then of me and then reviewed the both of them. "Can photoshop right!" She said, checking the background to see if both of them could be stitched together.)

I went over to her new place in Bedok, and we hung out at her playground. We fooled around a lot, trying to advertise for the pair of Keds I bought (with the Birthday money Kuchai gave me), that Sarah ended up wearing on the way back to her house because the back of the shoe hurt. (I wore the slippers Spike chewed on, heehee.)

After going back to her house, she cycled me to her nearby ice cream shop.

When I mean she cycled me, as in literally, she cycled me.

I think I've blogged about this quite a few times, where I sit in between the seat and handlebars of a bike and get peddled away. Arra introduced it (every time she tompangs me, I scream my head off- you tell her not to swerve, and she will definitely swerve. Subsequently Sasa would tompang me, as would Yingbin and Claudia (it was a double bike, that one time.)

The last time Sarah tried to cycle me away, before she could even peddle the bicycle as well as myself, fell on her.

Yesterday was somehow smoother though, albeit her trying to cycle the both of us with one hand at one point. (I shake my head wildly at the madness, and in protest.)

We bought ice cream, found a park bench and caught up.

There was lots of squealing, whispering, whining, laughing and serious talk.

It just felt really great to catch up with you, man :) Really, really great.

- Kris.

Ain't no party

2008-01-01T00:55:00.000+08:00

Everyone's got that one song that makes them feel like dancing crazy-like.

This is the song for my New Year, and for my Birthday- In sight of turning 15 in less than 24 hours; Having just spent the day catching up with Sarah, having dinner with family, just getting off the phone with Clarissa, my mood is on a high right now.

It's not just today- everything at this moment, from the past months and the entire year in general; My insecurities, my doubts, my feelings, will never disappear. But right now they seem to have struck a sudden balance. A perfect balance.

Oh, next light bust a right.
It’s not gonna be too hard.
There’s no parking on the street pull up on their front yard.
Don’t bring no vodka, or whisky,
we’ve got everything you need.
Just bring a pair of your dancing shoes and get down to this beat.

Let’s go down.
Wash that sugar down.
You gotta realize that there aint no party
like the party going on in my house.
Better believe that it’s gonna be the biggest night of the year

I'm so happy with where I am right now, in life.

...I think I'll go dance now, with my 08 song :) (Time to take out those dancing socks I have not touched now for some time.)

- Kris.

New Year Resolutions

2007-12-31T23:43:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year everybody! :)

2007 might not have been the smoothest ride yet, but it is probably the year I am most grateful for.

To avoid rabid slobbering of cheese, I'd just hope all of you know how much I love you guys. If I were to start listing every single thing I have been grateful for in the past year, this post would go on forever.

...That, plus I have to wake up early tomorrow to do some last minute Popular-stationary shopping.

Let's make 08 the best year yet :)

Much love,

- Kris.

friendship

2007-12-31T00:38:00.000+08:00

Every friendship works differently; mechanisms are never the same for every single one. It is just the way you may have long, comfortable silences with one, shoulder-to-shoulder; The other a complete conversation without pauses, and yet feel equally as close to the two.

Sometimes we forget that the way different friendships work is something we may not ever be able to fully grasp until we are in the situation; The way we might not know that fighting does not equal to a weak bond, the way never seeing or hearing two friends talk seriously mean that their friendship isn't as genuine as it is made out to be, how if two friends constantly swear and call each other names meaning that they don't treat each other with respect.

Every friendship has it's little quirks, little ways that two people operate and function in their world. Looking in on them, we judge based on what we think a friendship should be like, when our own hardly fit the criteria.

Reflecting, even when a friendship does not fit into the casting mould of an idealistic one, you would find that the both of you are perfectly happy, if not much more than that.

It's great knowing that there's someone you can be honest with,

"Eh, you know you're really irritating today!"
"Huh? My problem ah? Want to fight is it!"
"Why are you so grumpy! Piang!"
"Grumpy cannot ah."
"..."
"..."
"...irritating girl."
"...heehee."

Someone that understands, even when both your views are different. Who when disagreeing with your opinions, voices them out without fear, because she knows you don't mind. Someone you can have an entire conversation with without speaking, who knows when you're smiling just by the way you speak. Someone you fight with all the time and each try to give the silent treatment to, when the both of you know that you will fail because you have to catch her up. Someone who tells you when you're being a prat, that you can tell when she's upsetting you.

Each mechanism works differently; In a way, each time we form a friendship, we shut others out. Not socially, but empathetically- knowing how those outside will might not ever understand. Much like the way we, looking in on others, must not expect the same.

...I love my friends.
My family keeps me grounded, my friends keep me sane.

- Kris :)

Off to eat dinner

2007-12-30T18:54:00.000+08:00

A quick post before I go off for dinner- we're going to to a restaurant that serves mussels and oysters and all that whoopha. (Seafood is my favourite kind of food, especially the kind that's shelled up. Some might call it the mystery of wanting to know just what's in that shell but I call it my favourite thing to digest.)

Yes, mussels are the best kind of food ~~alive~~ dead. I'd like to believe there's a reason why they are chambered.

Hahahahahahahaha, how mundane this post is.

Ack. I have to go now. See you guys! :)

- Kris.

Youth on your side

2007-12-28T16:32:00.000+08:00

I've talked about change a lot of times on my blog before, it being my biggest fear and all.

It's so strange- the one thing that scares me the most, and I always seem to want to talk about it. But then again, if I did not feel so strongly about the subject I would really have not much to say.

...And so we grow old.

Time is the ever-evolving change, the one thing you can't get back, the ultimatum of my fears, the biggest stick in the sand. There is no such thing as 'time slowed down'; Things might feel that way sometimes, but in actual truth time never actually slows down. Putting to rest the phrase 'time flies' as well; It is but a mere opinion, a way to illogically blame our unawareness on a figure of speech; The phrase has never been a fact.

I'm always worrying about age and growing older; With what the years can bring or even worse, what they cannot bring. The lessons left to learn, the hard ones I so often hear about from those older around me- speaking of topics I do not understand and have yet to absorb. And with lessons learnt come broader opportunities, and with opportunities come regret. Regret, much like time, has no rewind button.

The optimist in me tells me that I'm silly to think so because youth is on my side; that worrying and having premonitions about situations fifty or sixty years too early is self-inflicted anxiety. That time, much like change, has advantages and benefits; no one wants to get stuck behind in the past while everyone continues ahead. That it is only natural to want to experience the finer things in life, which can only be chanced upon if we choose to move along with time. (Don't you ever want to get married? Don't you ever want to move out? Don't you ever want to meet more people?)

In which case, given such rebuttals I begin to worry about those who don't have youth on their side.

From Primary School, I've always dreaded the call of a school announcement.

In both RGP as well as TKG, there is a little bell that sounds before an announcement is made. Often times the announcement is directed to certain CCAs, or staff, or calling for groups of pupils. But once every while a single student is called to go to the General Office.

I dread the sound of the bell before the announcement.

Not because I have been called to the General Office before, or that I have had friends who have. It is the idea of what comes with the visit to the General Office that I worry about.

It's better the devil you know than the devil you don't. But perhaps not in this case.

I imagine walking in, and a clerk checking if I was the student called for. I imagine the corner of her eyes drooping down when I nod my head, and imagine wondering why she does so.

I imagine her telling me to take a seat, while she calls for my Form Teacher, who is somewhere in the General Office. I imagine wondering why my Form Teacher would be in the General Office and not the staff room, I imagine beginning to have a dreary feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I imagine my Form Teacher rounding the corner and seeing how sitting on the couch, I imagine pursed lips and clasped hands in front of her body. I imagine her taking a little sigh and the couch shifting when she takes a seat.

I imagine her opening her mouth and then closing it and then opening and closing it again, and I imagine thinking that she gapes like a fish and the dreary feeling going up to my throat. I imagine her laying her hand over my own and I imagine my dreary feeling threatening to spill out, even before she has said a word.

I imagine what she will say, how she will break the news, what time it happened, where it happened, how it happened, who it happened to and the lines in her face clear and deep and tired.

"I'm sorry," I imagine she will say.

I'm sixty years in too deep; My age and my growing older worries me with the difficulties it will bring. But there are some, my loved ones, who cannot have another sixty years. Most of their life lessons have been learnt and revised, the finer things in life experienced, youth no longer on their side.

Time is the ever-evolving change, the one thing you can't get back, the ultimatum of my fears, the biggest stick in the sand.

...And so we grow old.

Because there's nothing else you can do, nothing else I can do, nothing else my loved ones can do.

Christmas with the Ongs

2007-12-25T22:45:00.000+08:00

Matt says that he does not remember much about me from Primary 2 except that I used to 'copy Chinese spelling like crazy'.

THESE KINDS OF THINGS VERY MEMORABLE IS IT.

---

Updated the photoblog, a tiny intervention from the pictures promised of Bintan.

---

The Christmas party we had yesterday was equal parts food, laughter, costume and green hairspray.

(...Although I admit that I was the only one leaning towards the green hairspray.)

As mentioned in one of my previous posts (CLICKETH) our family threw a costume party this year again, with the theme of Supervillains.

This year was considerably more exciting, with everyone getting more competitive and working harder on their costumes. (As compared to our first year, when the theme was something along the lines of 'tacky Christmas' (which meant an abundance of red, green, gold and silver) and suk chai came to the party with a pin that flashed blue and silver. And that was it.)

...I mean, that was his costume. The pin is not all he wore, because he wore clothes too.

Before more awkwardness can ensue, I think I better present you with the photos:

Ma (or as you can call her, 'Mudder Ong')

Ma came as Cruella DeVille. She got Auntie Nora to spray dye half of her hair white and then make it stand on end (when I saw her, my hair stood on end). For a while she was worried that her dalmatian spots might appear similar to that of a cow ("Call me Mooella DeVille," she joked) but by the day of the party she was more or less reassured. She looks pretty authentic, doesn't she?

For a Dalmatian-napping, fur-obsessed loony bin, my mother fits her part. (What does this say about me? And don't answer, it's meant to be rhetorical and never further probed.)

In case you were wondering, her 'cigar' is actually a chopstick she dug out.

Pa (in relation, 'Fudder Ong')

Daddy came as Doctor Evil! (Look at that face, such eeeevil seems to radiate from him.)

"I can also be Mini Me- look!" And then he got down on his knees.

Kuchai (my aunt, and father's younger sister)

Kuchai came as Poison Ivy. Out of the 8 of us who dressed up, undoubtedly she put in the most effort; rubber-stamping and then cutting out the poison ivy leaves (which are actually maple leaves, but shhhh, don't say a word) and then sewing them on her tube top. Her mask, and pretty much her entire outfit was hand-made.

When the took the above first picture of her, I asked why she looked so sad.

"It's supposed to be a pout," she retorted, and continued to pull her lower lip out.

Sister

This is a photo of my beloved sister taken around a week ago at Bintan.

This is a photo of said beloved sister taken yesterday.

Enough said.

Suk Chai (also known as blue-silver-pin-younger-brother-of-my-father)

Suk Chai came as Doc. Oc from Spiderman, coming full circle from a single pin to shower wires and tongs strung together by thick wire, all hand made in order to produce his (uh) tentacles/arms.

All the shower wires were taped to a wooden board and tied to his back via rafia string and a high pain threshold. For the better half of lunch, he could not sit down, and could not take his camera out. (Suk Chai is the one who got me started on DSLRs, his Nikon D200 probably well considered his own Baby after his girlfriend, naturally.)

Mama (left) came as a witch with a tendency to make scary noises (inclusive of wild flapping of cape and arms) and the uncanny ability to ham it up for the camera. Ku Chiong (Kuchai's husband) came as the devil, his pitchfork a laundry pole.

Mama recently came back from Beijing after studying Chinese, and has taken a strong liking to the language. She sewed the word Witch in Chinese onto her cape.

I must also point out that her pointy hat, as well as her cape was handmade with lots of black cloth, paper, scotch tape and random children stickers. (Seriously- children stickers. She had the stickers with the days of the week on her hat.)

Me (also known as 'Determined-Never-to-Wear-White-Face-Powder-Ever-Again Girl')

This photo with Sasa was taken a few weeks ago.

This photo was taken yesterday.

I came as the Joker, sardonic grin and all (I was trying to channel all my psychotic energy through the lunch. It found it quite easy to do- don't mock me.)

Although I had aimed for the 'Sexy-but-Badass-I'm-Still-Going-to-Kill-You-Violently' Heath Ledger look, I somehow ended up looking more like the Joker found in the comic books, face tilted downward and eyebrows drawn.

I have this theory that if you chop off my head, and remove my green hairspray, I'll look like a Geisha suspicious looking enough to report the people at the MRT station.

(I CAN'T STAND HOW IRRITATING I LOOK IN THE ABOVE PICTURE. MAKES ME WANT TO REACH OVER AND DO SOME INEXPLICABLE ACT OF VIOLENCE UPON MYSELF.)

My sister was really scary, either sitting down or loitering around our family members for most of the lunch. When she spoke, and you stared directly at her ghoul-ish mask it was really funny. Like a squirrel trying to pass off as a elephant.

At one point, she had her mask on and was sitting on the arm of the couch, legs dangling off the side. I felt like screaming D:

Ma with our annual judge, Uncle Randall (daddy's friend from way back.) Through the entire lunch, Ma kept trying to bribe him.

"Randall, you want cupcakes?" my mother said, laughing, obviously aware of what she was doing as was the rest of the family. She put a plate of her famous coloured frosted cupcakes down in front of him.

"Bribing the judge huh!" Mama protested.

"Eh, you won last year okay!" Uncle Randall responded to my mother and her plate of cupcakes, which he downed anyway.

Lunch itself was a joyous occasion, with Mama cooking the pork, Kuchai bringing back Ham from New Zealand (our first imported pig!) and Ma following the recipe Uncle Ming used for his turkey in the Christmas of 2005. (Back when I was P6, I think.) Ma has been using that recipe since then.

Most of the food was handled by Auntie Nora (our little chef! :) ) and Ma. I kept feeling the urge to thank the both of them every time I took a bite of food, because it really felt wonderful that they put so much effort into the family having a great time.

The winners of the competition were a tie between Kuchai and Sukchai (ohmy, what a mouthful)! Mama was this year's sponsor, and they had to split the Parkway voucher.

At first when Daddy received the results from Uncle Randall via sms, Kuchai told him to announce the results after lunch, in fear that she would 'lose' her appetite. After the results were announced, she happily ate to her heart's content :) Haha!

The opening of presents was fun, with everyone getting gifts that they loved. (Daddy was a happy ~~boy~~ man when he got a Wii as well as a PS3.) Mama and Suk Chai gave me a tripod for Baby, which I have been wishing for since forever. Thank you, the both of you! :)

My parents have already given me Baby as present for both Christmas and my Birthday, but as a surprise they gave a small bottle of perfume as well as a note that promised me 'a lifetime of hugs and kisses'. :)

In conclusion, it was another happy Ong family Christmas :)

We rounded the occasion off with an always amiable game of Wii Boxing. All of us screamed a lot, though not as loudly as compared to our Christmas carols.

---

An update on 'The List' so far (yes, it deserves some capitalization):

1) ~~Christmas gifts.~~

2) ~~Buy school books.~~

3) ~~Finish up my Joker outfit.~~

4) ~~Finish planning the outing with Joyce, Esther, Estelle and Bevin.~~ (I'm going out with them to Fort Canning tomorrow! Finally- I really miss them so much.)

5) Finish Heymath. (As of right now, it is still 0% completed.)

6) Finish cleaning up my room. (Half-way done... I think.)

7) ~~Cut my hair.~~

I cut my hair today, decidedly snipping off my ponytail.

The test to try to keep my hair long in hopes that I would prove a theory (I can't say aloud the theory, but I'll have you know that I found the theory to be probably only around 40% true) has come and gone. At first I thought that I would keep my hair long, somewhat missing my Primary School days when I used to carry black rubber bands around on my wrist (I don't miss 'The Curtain' though.)

My hair will take some time to grow in, but it's slowly starting to grow on me already :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY BOXING DAY!

- Kris.

christmas

2007-12-24T10:35:00.000+08:00

Our family Christmas party (yesyes, Joker costumes and all) is going to go on this afternoon!

CAN YOU SAY: 'SUPER-SHIT HAPPY'?

See you! I will be uploading the photos later on during the night (I hope; it all depends on my lethargy) after the turkey, presents and carols.

...Fine, scratch carols. I'm not too excited over carols seeing how the only people in our family who can sing are male (my daddy was a choir boy for a few years, which I have to tell you is very charming).

But through the flat, off-key, off-tune singing, Christmas parties with my family are always going to be my favourite time of the year. :)

Merry Christmas Eve, everybody! May today, as well as tomorrow, be a festive occasion for you and your loved ones.

(Oh dear, I sound like I have an endorsement. All that's missing now is the number to dial for 'Christmas Happiness' at the back.)

- Kris.

2007-12-19T23:10:00.000+08:00

Updated the photoblog!

---

I will be turning 15 in exactly 12 days time; on one hand, I can't wait (think of the more ENTITLEMENTS! PHWOAR!), but then again- fifteen sounds like such a tough number.

...yeah, okay. I know you must be thinking that I'm crazy for giving a number an adjective, but it's like how 13 is a famously scary number, 89 sounds creepy, 23 is common, and how 54 sounds plain obscene.

Okay, it's 2:21 AM in the morning and I think the Mag-A-Cone I ate a few hours ago is messing with the fluidity of my train of thought.

I better go lie down now.

- Kris.

P.S. EH, ISN'T 2:21 SUCH A PARTY ANIMAL?

THE DARK KNIGHT

2007-12-19T21:57:00.000+08:00

I am officially more than excited.

I waited roughly 2 years for X-Men: the Last Stand to come out (but it was a big letdown, though) , so I'm trying to grasp unto the concept that I (only) have to wait until mid-2008 to catch this.

But the wait is still unbearable :(

I mean I like the different comics and characters but Batman reigns supreme, you know? :) I remember ~~ranting~~ waxing lyrical about him in my archives back when I was much more into DC comics. (I still am, but all phases have their climax.) He's my favourite super-hero.

Words never really do him justice though; after-all he is but a shadow that lurks in the darkest corners of our minds. (Oh dear, here I go again.)

I feel like such a fangirl. ;)

P.S. Did you see Heath as the Joker? BEST COMBINATION, EVER, I SWEAR.

---

"Hey Hey You You! Wo bu xi huan ni de nu peng you!
No way no way, ni xu yao yi ge xin de!
Hey Hey You You, wo hui shi ni ni peng you!

Hey Hey You You, wo zhi dao ni xi huan wo!
No way no way, Bu shi yi ke mi mi!
Hey Hey You You, wo yao dang ni de ni peng you !"

The Mandarin parts are obviously sliced together, which makes even more for the funny. Manda and I were laughing over the phone about it, listening to all the different languages. (Nothing beats the Mandarin version, though the both of us might be biased since it's the only language we understood out of the rest.)

Each version is a direct translation to the English one, and seems to be a universal anthem seeing how it is nice the second most viewed video on YouTube with 65,033,167 views at current time.

"Hey Hey You You! Wo bu xi huan ni de nu peng you!" (Hey Hey You You! I don't like your girlfriend!)

Manda heard that line, and said:

"They should add a 'moooo' sound at the back of that."

I asked her why, and she said that it's because Avril pronounced 'nu' (girl) as 'niu' (cow).

"Hey Hey You You! I don't like your cowgirl!"

Manda is full of funny shit :) Aha!

- Kris.

Agnostic

2007-12-19T01:48:00.000+08:00

A week ago I was doing some Christmas shopping around the Bedok area. I have always known that you can find intriguing characters around crowded areas, and my trip was no exception; Cashiers that mutter to themselves, toothless old men who sit one leg up with their cigs and wide smiles, talking with each other, well-dressed men and women conducting surveys and giving you the option of answering that you are working when asked about age. (Which I found to be very flattering.)

And then there was this old man, with this bag slung across his chest. I did not notice that he was going to walk past me until he took a glance at me, opened his bag and pulled out a pamphlet and handed it over.

It was not as if he was giving out flyers; when you give out flyers your main objective is to give out as many as you can as fast as you can. (This is why people sometimes receive two of the same flyers at once.) Therefore it was almost as if he was only giving the pamphlets to selected people.

Before you twitch over the phrase 'selected people', I think you should know that it was a pamphlet from City Harvest Church on their Christmas festivities.

Which led me to think: Is it possible to look Agnostic?

Or looking at the subject on a whole: Is it possible for one to reflect their religion/religious preferences on the outside?

Has there been a conformity to a certain way people of a chosen faith to appear in society, such that now, it is actually possible to draw the lines clear in the sand? And perhaps not just based on one's appearances- excluding the knowledge of one's opinions, preferences and knowledge of faith, has there been a clear distinction as to how a religious someone should behave or speak?

I don't believe that there is there is a certain way that people of differing faiths should behave or appear, but that is not the question at hand. The question is if there has been a developing stereotype inflicted on people of faith.

"...she looks Christian."
"...he speaks like a Buddhist."
"...they should be Hindu."

We are born into a race; We have no choice over what race we would prefer to be in. Racism develops from stereotype, the way we think people of a certain race are in totality (which is untrue; no single population is monochrome in terms of it's people- everyone is different with or without a majority.)

Discrimination towards people of different races is already an issue, but if this stereotype towards people of faith persists to grow, how long more before it reaches levels similar to that of racism?

- Kris.

Manda.

2007-12-17T22:55:00.000+08:00

I was talking to Manda on the phone just now and I was preparing corn with butter because it's kickass delicious.

I asked her to guess what food I was preparing.

"Peach," she said, because she knows how much I love canned peaches. (As does Arra; I went to her house once and when she brought them out we both screamed together.)

"No, it's not." I began pouring the corn niblets out of the can.

"Is it a fruit?" She asked.

"Nope. It's a vegetable."

"Oh," she said. "Longan?"

"What?" I stopped pouring the corn out of the can. "No, I just said that it was a vegetable, not a fruit."

"Uh...what colour?"

By then I was scooping butter from its dish onto the pile of corn. "It's yellow."

"...Durian?"

"What?!" I held the butter. "No, no it's not! It's yellow, and a vegetable. Not a fruit!"

"...Chye sim."

I could not believe what I was hearing. "Chye sim isn't yellow unless it's spoilt."

"...Kang kong."

"No, it's not. Kang kong isn't yellow unless it's spoilt, like chye sim!"

"Okay, okay," she sounded determined to get it right. "What's it's first letter?"

"It starts with 'C'," and I thought that 'well, this must be the part where she finally gets it right.'

"...Cabbage?" she said innocently.

"Manda, what? No! No, it's not!" I grabbed a microwave cover from the cupboard, wondering how this was the girl who helped me pass Math. "Are you serious? You really don't know what it is?"

"Uh, uh, okay!" She started to sound desperate to get it right. "What's the last letter?"

"It ends with 'N'," I popped my bowl into my microwave, wondering what had happened to my dear Amanda Tay Boon Luan.

She took a few moments, but when she finally exclaimed "CORN!" I could not decide whether or not to punch her, or to feel happy for her.

After that she would ask me to guess what she had eaten earlier on, and right at that moment my connection would get cut off and we never continued that topic. Which I am quite grateful for, because who knows how much turmoil we would both have to go through again if we had another guessing game.

I love Manda; she rejects my licks but we have two children- Nene and Nana. Nana stays with Manda, and Nana's activities include, as quoted by her 'staring blankly at the wall'. Nene on the other hand has been situated on the same spot where I left her two weeks ago, and has taken a liking to the only thing we feed her- eggplant.

Nene is currently 56 years old, while Nana is a vibrant young age of negative 2.

They are our pride and joy :)

- Kris.

Listahlist

2007-12-17T18:28:00.000+08:00

Updated the photoblog!

---

Things I Need to Do Before 2nd January 2007

1) Christmas gifts. (I'm making them this year, and so far I have completed nada. Bad Kristen, bad :( )

2) Buy school books. (I have already marked which ones I need to buy based on the sec 3 books that Jie has passed on down to me- and it turns out that I need to buy all the books except for the A Maths textbook. Stupid constantly changing editions.)

3) Finish up my Joker outfit. (I already have the green hairspray, now I have to look for blatantly white face powder. When I asked the Sinma lady if they had any, she asked me if what I was looking for was concealer. I shook my head and gestured to my whole face, telling her in Mandarin I wanted it to be entirely white. When she heard that, the late-forties year old woman literally went 'eeeeeee!' and blanched. It was very disturbing, on both our parts.)

4) Finish planning the outing with Joyce, Esther, Estelle and Bevin. (Bev and I have been talking about making sandwiches and the possibility of spending the day at Fort Canning. The last time I saw all of them was back in August, and going out with your primary school friends and catching up is always fun :) )

5) Finish Heymath. (I haven't started. Fullstop.)

6) Finish cleaning up my room. (It is not that I have not had the intention, or have not started. I have begun, but it's just that every time I try to clean it up, I either simply rearrange the dirt or pile things that I do not want up in one corner, making my room even more weary for my mother's eyes.)

7) Cut my hair. (THIS IS SUPER OVERDUE. In relation to the post I posted a few months back and whether or not I would like to keep my hair long, I have decided that I like my ponytail :) It makes me feel young, haha! I just want to do something with my fringe, is all.)

Sadly, the list will be growing longer :( I'll keep adding on to it as time goes by.

- Kris.

I GIVE UP

2007-12-17T12:35:00.000+08:00

I've already posted about this before, but my dreams bite. I tried putting off sleep last night so that I could avoid having to dream (or at least 'shorten' them), but that worked otherwise because I was even more tired (from the pink pill, and staying up late) than before. I ended up in a deep sleep, resulting in more dreams. Why I did not figure out this logic earlier makes me want to scream, seriously.

Flat feet.

2007-12-16T22:32:00.000+08:00

How flat are flat feet?

...Flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.

Bintan was great- Jack Johnson by the pool side, beach in the distance, wind blowing across a smile :)

Updated the photoblog, but this time I've decided to divide the Bintan photos in several parts because they are all over the place, and of different subject matter; Which I can imagine, if posted together would look like a fly splat on a windshield.

To avoid clutter/ violent insect deaths, the photos have been divided into five parts:

1) Chlorine, I (Let's get it over and done with.)

2) Sand, Them (I first thought of naming it: 'Life's a Beach' but then when pronounced, people might get the wrong idea.)

3) Streak, You

4) Enveloping, Her

5) Miscellaneous, Us

They aren't very creative titles; but (here is the part where I whine) I took this pink pill this morning before the ferry ride back to prevent sea sickness and the effects have not seem to worn off yet. Two naps into the day and I'm still sleepy, which makes me all suspicious over what actually went into that pill.

(But I'm too drowsy to find out what exactly. I think I'll just ask Jaslyn the next time I talk to her, that Science genius. She seems to know exactly what goes into every single kind of food available, and then some. ;D )

Therefore please excuse the somewhat lazy titles; I need my happy pill.

- Kris.

P.S. A post on Bintan will appear soon, I promise!

Bintan-ing.

2007-12-13T23:23:00.001+08:00

This is short-noticed, because the news hit me quite slowly as well:

Gone to Bintan from the 14th to the 16th, see you guys! :)

Love,

- Kris.

this sucks.

2007-12-13T12:33:00.000+08:00

My dreams have been extremely cruel to me for the past few nights.

They are hardly nightmares; they are perfectly happy dreams, ideal situations with ideal people with ideal happenings.

These dreams are perfectly believable, and I always feel as if I'm in the dream, and that the dream were unfolding in real life.

Why so cruel then?

...Because when I wake up, I feel incredibly pathetic, incredibly unhappy, and the sudden loss of what I crave for eats my insides.

Imagine having what you have always craved for and then have it taken away from you, you automatically feel yourself in a full-body ache.

The fact that the snooze button and I are good friends does not help, at all. For now I have different dreams in regular intervals in the same night, all shimmering with happiness. (Yes, the italics are meant for sarcasm purposes.)

This sucks.

- Kris.

Christmas bubbles

2007-12-10T22:30:00.000+08:00

Cacti is getting all ready for Christmas!

Since the house is getting all prepped up for the occasion, I thought that maybe he would appreciate being pimped up. :) Haha.

---

Before:

After:

Yesterday morning our fir tree was delivered, and after some rearranging of the furniture (it's quite a large tree; larger than last year's which is compared to the current one, quite a stump) we settled on it being placed next to the staircase.

It's our second year with a fir tree, instead of the past fake plastic trees we used to set up and find it extremely difficult to keep away afterward. The smell of pine now wafts around the house, and ma can't seem to stop raving over how lovely it smells.

Yes, my family enjoys putting our noses close to trees. (You have a problem with that, HMM?)

If you are wondering where you can get your own fir tree for Christmas, they are selling them by the row at Far East Floral. They aren't that cheap, they shed leaves like nobody's business, require sawing up when it loses it's purpose, but Christmas only comes once a year. Why not enjoy the occasion while you can?

The pictures uploaded here are of our tree without our lights. We bought our lights yesterday afternoon, and put them up at night. They sparkle blue and make me dizzy as hell, but at least it doesn't make noise. (Our previous lights used to play Christmas jingles non-stop throughout the night and I think our family was secretly happy when the light bulbs blew and we had to throw them away.)

---

Today, after I came back from spending the day with Sasa, Sharon and Yingbin (CHIPU!) Jie and I rolled around in my room for a while before she brought over her two dollar box of 'Bestman Balloon'.

...Well, that's what it says on the yellow box. I'm sure that everyone has played with the it before; you squeeze out a colourful gel of sorts onto the end of a short yellow straw and you blow, producing a bubble that you can actually touch and play with.

Jie and I put the bubbles together (~~by accident; once you stick them together, you can't tear them apart~~) and we got a LEGLESS ANT!

PHWAAAAAAAH!

- Kris.

Hakone/Tokyo

2007-12-06T19:19:00.000+08:00

New photos of Hakone/Tokyo up on the photoblog! :)

---

I was supposed to go swimming with Sharon and her brother this morning, but the rain got us scared that we would have a repeat of the previous time (we got out of the pool because it rained, went to bathe, and then got soaked by the rain again when we ran to catch a cab). So we postponed our trip to this coming Monday instead :)

Sharon, we really need to get our flatcakes! Haha.

Plans botched, and awake way too early (I got up at 830 and kept hitting the snooze button on my phone until around 9 or so; though it doesn't beat my previous record a few days ago, when I set my alarm to 930 and snoozed all the way until 1130. Heehee), I was preparing to mope the whole day until Ma suggested that the both of us have a cook-out.

Pa was at work, Jie was off galavanting (by this, I mean in school) and Ma and I had not really spent some time together for a while now.

So the better half of the day was spent cooking mushroom soup, cheesecake, and talking.

Ma and I have had cook-outs and outings one-on-one before, but as my family and I grow older together, I am slowly beginning to treasure each moment more.

:)

- Kris.

One hand in.

2007-12-04T23:29:00.000+08:00

I'm a war, of head versus heart,
And it's always this way.
My head is weak, my heart always speaks,
Before I know what it will say.

So you've got two hands on the keyboard, when the phone rings. And you pick it up and then you have one hand on the keyboard and one hand holding the receiver. And the voice on the phone starts, and it's a hurt voice. And on the other end of the keyboard types words of sadness. And at the same time you're thinking about the sad news you had just read, and heard during dinner. So you read and you listen and you think, then you type and you talk and you frown. And then the person on the line goes away because you can't seem to make her feel better, and you begin to lag on your conversation and you feel yourself getting a bit more empty by the moment.

And then you call her back because the unsatisfactory goodbye eats at you, and she doesn't want to talk about things anymore, then suddenly you find yourself spilling everything about dinner and the sad news until you feel your typing hand in your hair, your throat hurt and your eyes raw. And then you get your satisfactory goodbye and you then you release your hair and put down the receiver and so you've got two hands on the keyboard.

- Kris.

2007-12-04T13:30:00.000+08:00

Christmas is nearing :)

My favourite time of the year, attributed by the bright lights (this time of the year is also when people can hang up bright lights that change colour simultaneously, and not appear tacky) and good food (my family hosts a full-blown Christmas dinner ever year at our house, and although I'm not very fond of the turkey and the ham but I am very, very fond of the broccoli and mashed taters (jade!))

The present exchanges are always fun to carry out, and giving feels good when you can see the expression on their faces when family unwrap their presents. (It is also nice to receive, but you know what I mean here.) Carols are played over the stereo and hearing my sister sing ~~off-key, off-pitch, flatly~~ along is ~~painful~~ heart-warming.

...when I join in, things don't get much better (meaning the rendition gets much worse) but humiliating oneself all in the name of Christmas spirit is always enjoyable. I suppose.

Our family has an Christmas contest every year between ourselves, and I'm not sure if I have blogged about this before (I'm lazy as hell to check right now; I'm eating bee hoon with Japanese pickles (because we ran out of achar D: I tell you I thought it was the end of the world when Auntie Nora told me).

We have a theme to dress up according to, and an outside judge decides who looks the best and hands over a prize. (Which is sponsored by someone in our family; most of the time it is Sembawang or MPH vouchers) ; four years ago it was something along the lines of 'tacky Christmas' or something like that.

(My sister looks like a candycane right!)

I won that year, with a fifty dollar Sembawang voucher.

(...which would later get stolen along with my wallet on whole, at my Birthday celebration at Escape. But that was a few years ago and I'm over that. It was the first time I had to go and get my ez-link card done; I would later have to do my ez-link card again for the second time when I lost the first remake. (I would later find it among my stationary a few months later.))

The year after, we would skip the contest.

Leaving last year as the second time we had the contest. The theme for that year was 'Superheroes' and since I was going through my DC Comic craze (I still am, just not as obsessive anymore. The men in tight tights and women were cleavage spilling over somehow dropped in appeal) I came as Raven from Teen Titans.

...But I came as Raven from the Teen Titans comic, not the show.

Very stark difference, I tell you. Raven from the comics has died and been reincarnated at least twice now, was bald for a span of time, had a short-lived, insufficiently elaborated romance with both Robin and Beast Boy but that is besides the point, let us move on.

(Okay, now I really feel like reading my comics over again.)

Ma came as Mrs. Incredible (she won), and my sister looks so scantily-clad right!

Okay, I shall give credit to my dear sister- she does not look that scantily-clad. She came as Catwoman, and if you compare Catwoman from the comics (or even from the movie, but the movie was so bad I don't acknowledge it as an adaption from the comics) to my sister, my sister is wearing more than enough, thank you.

This year's theme is 'Supervillians'. We more or less know who is coming as what, and to avoid clashing with the same costumes, some of us announced who we were coming as. (We should have done that last year, when my father, my uncle and my aunt all came as Superman. (My aunt wore a red thong over her costume instead of briefs.))

I am coming as the Joker! :)

Since Batman is my favourite superhero. But I'm probably not going to come as the cartoon-like, freaky-smiled Joker. I will be aiming more for the Heath Ledger joker (ohmy, even his name makes me swoon. Heath, you superfreak):

I never imagined one man could look so good in so much make-up.

I'll have to paint my face white, but at least I won't have to dye my hair green like the cartoon/comic Joker. :)

- Kris.

Beijing!

2007-12-02T14:21:00.000+08:00

Beijing!

---

The not-so-campy photos of Beijing up on the photoblog!

---

To avoid confusion, here are the twelve (and a half) of us from TK who went on the trip:

(From left to right:)

Rachel (YONG!), Clarissa (SASA!), no-muscle-mass-girl, Stephanie (STEPH!), Rachel (TEO, DRAGON! PIANG EH!), Deepika (PIKA, DEEPIK!) and also TK Doll (which pika would later learn to love and care for like a daughter. A stuffed, spiky-haired daughter.)

Mr Zahari (quite affectionately nicknamed MR Z!)

(With sasa) Dhwani! (also known as DHWANING! Haha, we never did let you live it down.)

Esther! (Who finds that everything is never cheap enough.)

(From left to right:)

Deannie (rub my ear! :) ), Sharan (Dickson, the hot steward who smells good, haha!) and Shuyin (Hamburger Slap!)

Crazy fun, I have never garnered so many inside jokes in six days.

"Internal injuries!"
"Piang eh!"
"Havoc, havoc! Tonight go Zouk and MOS. Havoc!"
"Hamburger slap!"
"Man carrying brick carrying man carrying brick."
"Everbody smile and say DWHANIIIIIING!"

Playing bridge at every oppourtunity we got (and eventually getting Mr Zahari to join in, where he played until 1 in the morning on a few occasions), listening in on sec 3 gossip during dinner, dreading more courses of food being served during lunch and dinner, the 56% Chinaman alcohol that Yong smuggled, the PTC, calling for PETER!, Lisa and Mr So, dancing to Channel V, the prank calling, the pants dropping, the SRY!, thermal wear that nobody really liked, Deannie's qian bian face, the violent bargaining, huddling together to escape the cold, and everybody catching Dragon's Piang habit.

And not to forget all the pictures, but they can never translate the fun all of us had :)

- Kris.

Piang eh!

2007-12-01T00:20:00.000+08:00

"Piang eh!"

:)

I had so much fun in Beijing!

- Kris.

Hiatus, again. Again.

2007-11-24T22:58:00.000+08:00

Claudia, my dear, don't get jealous. I promise to stay faithful to you :D Haha!

My photoblog and blog will once again be under hiatus, because Beijing beckons from tomorrow, the 25th to the 30th.

And then, my whole of December will be free :)

See you guys, love,

- Kris.

Arra, I will miss you to a very unhealthy extent.

2007-11-24T18:02:00.000+08:00

- Kris.

DEP girls

2007-11-23T21:15:00.000+08:00

Pictures of Kyoto up on the photoblog!

An incident that happened in Kyoto:

My family decided to join an eighty minute tour that went around a tiny block known for its Geishas. (Or as they call them in Kyoto, Geikos and Maikos. (Maikos are those who train to be Geikos.))

Our family has never really been a tour family, the only tour I have ever remembered being on for a holiday being one around Korea in Primary 4. After that, we have refused tours, exploring countries and cities at our own risk, at our own pace. We never did like the feeling of constraint, of not having nearly enough time to roam free or choose what we get to eat.

The tour came as a surprise, and it was not surprising that:

1) We did not manage to see any Geikos. (Well, actually I did. Three of them drove by in a cab, and when I pointed them out of my parents, they went "Huh! Huh! Where!")

2) We left ten minutes before the tour ended, opting for a good meal of Shabu Shabu.

3) The Shabu Shabu was more memorable than the tour, honestly. All I remember is an endless supply of beef and pork heading our way.

---

Went out with a whole bunch of DEP girls today to Plaza Sing, and watched Enchanted. Afterwards, Manda would quote the entire movie (as expected with every movie we have gone to see with her), including the time we spend on the phone. (And I talk to her more or less every night, so trust me I'll be hearing about it for a while, as with Underdog. (MEGAN, UNDERUNDERUNDER!)

James Marsden is a pretty, pretty boy. He really makes me want to reach through the screen and touch his chiselled-manliness.

Had Yong Tau Foo for lunch, and found that Sharonalice, Jasmine and Sreya share my love for it! There's nothing like veg submerged in recycled soup that screams Friendship :) Haha.

Did miss those who did not manage to make today terribly. Everyone who came today took up 11 seats (in a row, mind you) in the cinema (sadly, we sat front row), and I was imagining how many more seats would have to be taken up if only they had managed to come.

Had fun today, as I have had for the past few days. Wednesday with the Interact Outing to the beach, which had lots of double-biking.

(Mild interruption- at one point, we were short of riding space, so Claudia and Zing tar paoed me on their double bike. Claudia was steering in front, with Zing at the back and me in the middle of the both of them. I had no support or safety measures whatsoever, and kept screaming at every little swerve Claudia made, intentional or not. (BAD CLAUDIA, BAD.)And I'm sure that Jaslyn wants me to write that she managed to learn how to ride a bike in 10 minutes :) )

Thursday with Arra, and today with some of the DEP group. It just makes me realise how soon I will be flying to Beijing.

I'm leaving on Sunday morning, and will be arriving back on Friday night. (25th to the 30th.)

I'm doomed; I have not started packing yet, and I have not memorised my part of the script yet. (Each group has to do a mini travelogue.)

Ack.

- Kris.

P.S. Jan, my 2AMs are too quiet without companionship. Come back soon! :(

arra!

2007-11-22T21:35:00.000+08:00

I don't know how Arra can handle me- today I went over to her house and I got Angry/Sad somewhere in between the course of tallking to her (or Sangry, as she calls it) and started throwing stuff at her in Sanger. And she just ducked her head and took it.

Arra, Arra, Arra, I am crazy over you :) We need more choc chip mint ice cream in our systems!

Today, we were browsing through YouTube (it's a habit whenever we go to each other's houses), from whiny singers to songs about french fries. (HappySlip! Haha!)

We were getting a bit high, so I tried recommending to her thewinekone, who is equal parts perversion and humor. I have been going crazy over his videos for a while, his wry sense of all things funny turning out to be good company.

"...he's really funny, Sarah introduced him to me. His name is thewinekone," I said, watching her as she started at her browser with her fingers on the keyboard. I started off by trying to spell his name, "The, as in...the."

Thewhine, she typed.

"No, no. Wine, as in... wine," words failing me again.

Thewine, she wrote and by George she got it.

"Okay, yeah, so it's thewinekone, kone as in..."

Thewinecone, she tried.

"No, no! Arra! Cone as in cone, cone with a k!"

Thewineconek.

And for a moment she sat there with her mouth agape and her eyes half-lidded and shoulders slumped forward and then I started laughing, she went "Ohhh!" and started laughing as well. And we laughed extremely hard until she began to keel over, and banged her head on her computer table, so we laughed even harder after that.

- Kris.

Seoul (part i of iv of holiday)

2007-11-20T18:38:00.000+08:00

Photos on Seoul up on the (now, hopefully not so dead) photoblog!

---

An incident that happened in Seoul:

My ma's back began to ache, so we visited a local pharmacy. The lady at the counter spoke little English, similar to my mother with Korean. (Although my mother did take up a 10-lesson course on the language once. I suspect all her Lee-Byong-Hun loving did her in.)

My mother began to sign away, thumping on her back while the lady nodded vigorously in (what I thought was mock) understanding. Turns out that she would understand quite well though, as she began to protest loudly at my mother when she saw that all my mother had tried to do was to put one of those muscle relaxant patches.

She brought out a row of pink pills, and a bottle. She promptly cracked the lid of bottle open there and then, much to our disbelief since we had not paid for any of it.

Somehow or another, my mother got the message that she had to take both the pill and the bottled medicine together, and promptly did so.

"Anti-in-flammah-tory," the lady said, smiling. And all of a sudden she seemed like one of those hidden geniuses, who disguised their brilliance from others due to their humble nature.

A genius with curly hair and a toothy smile.

Later on, my mother would compliment the lady on how she 'spoke English well' and the lady would laugh, and compliment my mother the same, on how she 'spoke good Korean as well.'

And my father and I would hear the last bit and feel extremely puzzled.

- Kris.

GIMME MY BOX.

2007-11-19T21:00:00.000+08:00

My sister resides three metres away from me, but we sometimes prefer to scream at each other through MSN.

Okay, so my sister really wants a box like those I have in my room to store my CDs and childhood memories. (Those who have been to my room probably know which box I'm referring to.)

I
have no idea what she wants it for. I have already given one to her but
she seems so determined on getting another one. (Probably to store the
other bags sitting on top of the first box since she has so many.)

Kris. "Time on your side that will never end, the most beautiful thing you can ever spend." says:
EH SUP

kathleen says:
GIMME MY BOX

Kris. "Time on your side that will never end, the most beautiful thing you can ever spend." says:
I HAVE NO BOX TO GIVE

kathleen says:
I WANT BOX

Kris. "Time on your side that will never end, the most beautiful thing you can ever spend." says:
I NO GIVE BOX

kathleen says:
THOU SUCKETH

Kris. "Time on your side that will never end, the most beautiful thing you can ever spend." says:
YOU BITETH

kathleen says:
GIVETH ME MINE BOXETH

Kris. "Time on your side that will never end, the most beautiful thing you can ever spend." says:
YOU BOX WHAT BOX LAH. BOX NI DE TOU.

Even when I had to go, she remained persistent.

Kris. "Time on your side that will never end, the most beautiful thing you can ever spend." says:
i gtg.

Kris. "Time on your side that will never end, the most beautiful thing you can ever spend." says:
HAHA.

Kris. "Time on your side that will never end, the most beautiful thing you can ever spend." says:
byebye jie, see you two rooms away :D

kathleen says:
GO AWAY

kathleen says:
GIMME MY BOX

I can't believe we are related.

- Kris.

P.S. Talking to Rachel Yong and Rachel Teo over MSN
and getting all confused over which Rachel is which is, is so
entertaining :D Seriously. We have all decided that every night in
Beijing we will party and eat a lot. HAHA. It will be very educational, I assure you.

twitch.

2007-11-19T16:47:00.000+08:00

Ack.

I am home (Colonel Sanders)

2007-11-18T00:45:00.000+08:00

Colonel Sanders is so fly!

5 Random Things to Note:

1) I have discovered after much primping in hotel mirrors that my fringe can shift to become temporary bangs. (Until I start moving, that is. Gravity is not friend, is food. (WHAT MOVIE WAS THAT FROM!))

2) Baby is all worn out. (717 photos in 9 days. But Kuchai can go up to a 1000, and so I purse my lips in comparision.)

3) I need to clean my room. (This deed has been overdue since before my holiday. Bad Kristen. Not good.)

4) I am home.

5) THANK GOODNESS FOR ZING. (In Arra-Chinese language, 'wo dui ni de ai da da.')

This trip has been the strangest one yet: bad English, hand signing, the absurdest dreams caused by soft pillows, soba overload, lots of flashing (and I don't mean the camera kind) and watching the news on tv for once (CNN was my source of entertainment, in a wicked twist of TV fate).

Except a long post to come!

- Kris.

P.S. A belated Birthday shoutout to Yingbin! My chipu :)

kyoto!

2007-11-13T20:56:00.000+08:00

A little update from Kyoto.

This is our last night in Kyoto, before we head over to Hakone tomorrow via a long train and bus ride. After two nights there, we will be going over to Tokyo for a final night before heading back home.

This trip has been a fairful quiet one; the temples and shrines (which, at the entrance blatantly state that the insides offer peace and tranquility) contribute greatly, but it is the distinct lack of a sister that makes the difference.

No one has been joining me in singing badly, or being my roomie (since there are only three of us instead of the usual four, we share a single room instead of the the norm, which is two), or simply talking into my ear. So there is a lonely feel to the trip, accompanied by the fact that before I left the occurances in life had shot up.

So the quiet is accompanied by thinking, and the thinking is accompanied by the cold.

I miss people!

I miss everyone, and I miss my bed especially. (My bed is not everyone, but hush.) Hotel beds are one lump a many (or lumpalicious, depending on how badass you are and how you look at the word) so most of the time I get weird dreams.

I'm eating a lot of meat (dear goodness, shabushabu!), drinking a lot of tea (which is okay, since I like tea), sleeping a lot (I am, for once, sleeping regular hours), bathing a lot (since the weather is cold), watching the news a lot (its the only English channel they have at the hotel I am at right now) and carrying Baby on a strap around my neck (it strangling, but its better than taking my hands out of my pockets where it is all cold.)

And with the above criteria, I am officially on my way to becoming an adult!

Hwah!

- Kris.

P.S. You will never guess what shirt I am wearing now :)

Korea.

2007-11-11T08:05:00.000+08:00

Korea was cold.

Scarf, gloves, winter coat, long socks, long sleeved shirts and all of a sudden I look like the mascot for a weight-loss program.

In the airport now, preparing to head off to Japan. I don't really have the time to tag around as much as I would like to. And it also turns out that my handphone can't work in both Korea and Japan (I don't have 3G :( Or bluetooth. Or the ability to store any songs. Grrrr.)

But you can still sms my handphone if you want. So when I switch it on I'll browse through them and feel all loved :) Heehee.

- Kris.

P.S. To the people who sent me well wishes before I flew off, and I failed to reply (this has been haunting me); like Sharon Alice and Zing and Raj (I was supposed to call you! ARGH), I'm sorry if I didn't reply in time. I was typing furiously before I entered the boarding gate, and before I knew it I was on the plane and could not continue. Going to Korea, I could not even get a signal. So very sorry.

P.P.S. Another dream raising the bar on the strange factor; last night I dreamt that an unknown friend of my Angel (from sec one, whom I still don't know, my goodness) sent me a kinky, somewhat threatening letter written in chicken scrawl handwriting that unless I be at a certain place at a certain time, she would (and I quote) 'pin me to the ground.'

Thank goodness I had to wake up early this morning.

Hiatus

2007-11-08T01:12:00.000+08:00

This holiday is going to be hard to enjoy, but happiness is often the product of hardship.

Or something like that.

All my blogs (inclusive of my Xanga one) are under hiatus from the 8th of November to the 17th. I will hopefully be visiting a Internet Cafe here and there, just to keep in touch.

Thanks to everyone who has sent me well wishes for my trip. All of you are nice, sweet people :)

- Kris.

(Note to self: Write e-mail to Grandma. I put this here so that when I see it the next time, I'll remember.)

See you guys around!

Sitting on the porch

2007-11-07T23:52:00.000+08:00

Tonight was the best night I have ever had.

I don't remember ever laughing so hard, ever daring to feel and look so completely stupid in front of others. I kept falling over from laughing too hard, and Sarah's knees were weak so she had to sit on the floor and Arra nearly drowned from drinking water and laughing at the same time.

Talking about our friends and school and funny incidents and anything which was everything, the way we normally talked, the three of us during our sleepovers our get-togethers. So many stupid pictures, shots that did not work out that we had to keep trying over and over again. And each time we would fall down, eyes closed and gasping for air, through all near three hundred shots in total.

Each time we fell down.

Tonight was the worst night I have ever had.

I don't remember ever crying so much, ever cycling home in the dark, the streets only illuminated by the yellow glow of streetlamps. Blurred vision, cars with headlights that were too bright that made me cry even more. People that I passed, I could see their heads turn; I knew that I was loud.

I was cycling hard and fast with the two bags hanging off my handlebars striking the wheels and scratching sounds being heard, but it felt like the longest ride I have ever had to make. I wanted to take in every detail throughout the entire night, I want to be able to remember everything that happened.

And reaching the outside of my house and getting off my bike and sitting on the stone chair that is situated to my gate, and just sitting there and sitting there and feeling myself tear and sweat, and tear and sweat.

'Turn back, turn back!' My heart kept trying to convince me.

'No, no,' my mind tried to rationalise. 'You can't turn back time.'

We will have our memories, our FPS meetings and us being the COLOURFUL people and our Smosh bonding and our OC bonding and our late night MRT talks and our obscene sleepovers with the dancing and the chips and the photos, and the dinners, and the inside jokes (you punk), and the Chinese lessons where you nodded to everything Zheng (...it's Zheng, right?) lao shi said without understanding a word, and the songs you made me fool-proof, and the name calling, and the random wiggling, and the hugs and the songs (Soul Meets Body is one of my favourite all-time songs now) and the laughing and the jumping and the crying and the pumpkin heads and the hair-flipping and the bus rides home, and the secrets we shared, and the random pieces of paper you wrote that I put up on my wall, and the gross Janga dares and the Hi-5 dancing, and the white shorts I have with the striped green shirt you wear (or the white one with the plant), and how you tell me my name is KristOn and that your name is spelt with a 'H' and the bicycle rides (that one time I tried to share a bike with you and I squashed you) and the hole in your fence and your nail polish and your unwrapped speakers.

We will have so many memories, and I will always treasure them, the things that were said tonight that I will never forget and the entire scene of tonight that will constantly be playing back and forth through my mind for my entire holiday.

But we both know that we can't rely on our old memories only. We have so many more to build.

And we will continue to build them.

Each time we fell down, but each time we got back up.

I'll see you around, you napkin holder. (You Wee thing.)

- Kris.

fears.

2007-11-07T00:34:00.000+08:00

I have a fear of fires, I have a fear of absolute darkness, I am claustrophobic, I have a fear of people, I have a fear of conversing but I fear silence even more, I fear deep waters, I fear extreme heights, I fear the sight of blood, I fear love and what it brings but I cannot live without it, I fear irrationality, I fear oppression, I fear the truth as well as fiction, I fear communication breakdowns, I fear my fears and how many I can list off the top of my head when there might be even more.

But my biggest fear is change.

Because for all the above listed, you can always take a stand.

Try to escape the fire, I will get used to the darkness, I will try to calm myself down, I will harden myself, I will try to get to get to know them better or shy away, I will try to strike up conversation after self-persuasion to break the ice, I will swim to shallow waters, I will walk out of the way of height, I will walk away from blood, love is easy to get used to, irrationality may sometimes be equally upsetting as rationality, oppression makes me want to fight for my rights, the line between truth and fiction is so easily blurred, communication breakdowns make communication more hardworking.

But change is inevitable, it is irreversible, it is inescapable. There is no way out of death, out of age, out of a goodbye.

You cannot take a stand, you may only sit and watch things unfold.

Change good or bad, is change nonetheless therefore I am fearful.

- Kris.

Oh gosh oh shit

2007-11-06T20:03:00.000+08:00

My family has a very traditional dinner every night when we eat in. Rice in bowls eaten with chopsticks, fish, greens, omeletes with random ingredients thrown in (anchovy, onions, mushrooms) with herbal soup.

Herbal soup is meant to soothe, but I was thinking over dinner and my soup tasted bitter. Because I realised that I have two days to say goodbye. Or rather, two nights.

That is not a lot of time.

I hope that it is enough.

- Kris.

Passive Aggressive

2007-11-05T20:33:00.000+08:00

"You are so passive aggressive, it's not even funny. You are just so safe."

I am passive aggressive, it only dawned on me today when Mrs Crothers told me.

I just had to have someone tell me for the realisation to hit, for me to feel the impact. It did not feel good, being told that I have a personality disorder, that I had something that needed fixing.

I've always been one to try to fix kinks that I find in myself, by constantly reflecting on my day and the people that I have spoken to and the impression that I might have left on certain people, and how to... improve, when I see them the next time.

Don't be so slow in response. Don't be so blunt. Don't swallow your words when you speak. Don't push people so hard. Don't be so impatient.

Everyday, or even after saying something, in the exact same moment would I feel the instantaneous guilt that strikes. The question of how I would feel if I were in their shoes, in their situation and hearing something of the sort. The ache would begin, imagining being in their position, and I would always try to improve myself.

I have never tried to change who I am as a person, as a whole. Always trying to improve myself has always been a part of me- by reprimanding myself, the doubt that crosses my mind has always been there. It has long become part of me; now, trying to rid myself of my passive aggressiveness would be a change in person.

Don't become too dependent. Don't be so closed-minded. Don't be so irresponsible.

And by writing the rules, by following my own set of instructions- I have always thought that I would be safe. Safe from the talk from others, the glances of resentment, and from dislike for my own self.

If I were out-of-body, would I be my friend? Or would I dislike myself, with all these flaws she is packaged with.

But it seems that now, all of my wanting to be safe has caused a disadvantage- in drama, I cannot hit the high notes.

"You really need to push yourself, give me more."

If I'm doing a piece that requires an extraordinary range of emotions, I fail to do the piece justice.

If I'm looking to be angry, the anger is there but it's angry enough.

"You need to hit it."

If I'm looking to be sad, the sadness is there but it's not sad enough.

"You need to give me more."

If I'm looking to be wounded, the wound is there but it's not big enough a wound.

"I'm not getting enough from you."

It's backfiring, my need to feel secure.

I'm taking drama for the next two years; I hope to have time to undo what damage I have done. Or at least minimise it, be less passive aggressive.

Improve myself once again, and all of a sudden this feels like a paradox.

- Kris.

Am I? (part i)

2007-11-05T00:21:00.000+08:00

Am I who I once sought to be?